Pffttt... I came in a couple of minutes before the Physical Exercises begun. My eyes that day were really swollen, and I dunno why. I managed to get an hour of sleep (errr...nap that is) in our sleeping quarters after my shift, but when I remembered that I have to meet up with Dad and treat him for lunch, I immediately jumped out of bed bumping my forehead on the double-deck railing (stupid me. Hehe). But still, that doesn't explain why I can't stop the rapid blinking of my eyes whenever I attempt to look and focus on a certain object. I began to wonder what's wrong.
Anyway, so there we were, started the day with the exercises (hoping that time, I can at least do most of them, after practicing at home - but still failed). Oh, well - more practice. After the break though, we were gathered by Mr. Michael Ian Lomongo (who, as I mentioned on my previous post, is our new mentor), and briefed us on what will be the changes on our remaining two or three scheduled classes.
JUST STAND
He then asked each of us, one by one, to stand in front of the class... and do nothing. Just stand...for one minute, while the rest of the class observe the one standing. Alright, so I thought it was easy. Hell no. Just a few seconds of me trying to stare on an empty whiteboard, I felt my eyes scanning the rest of the room. Oh, I almost forgot. He did mention that we also need to observe what was happening around. And observe what's going on in our body.
Funny thing was, after that few seconds of me trying not to think of anything, as the Dreamy Idealist as I am, my imagination started to fly and think of crazy things. My sudden dream of bumping into a gorgeous guy I barely knew in the middle of a footbridge while crossing the road, thinking he may be The One, which is real crazy; and thinking again of how stupid it was for me to suddenly jolt out of bed early that morning to see my Dad, causing a slight bruise on my forehead which hurts. Those things made me smile (which I bet they saw, when I was standing in front of them). Silly imaginations, followed by some kinky ones, also didn't stop me from smiling that day. I dunno what got into me, though. Haha. Well, I managed not to move, yes, I just stood up...but I can't stop smiling. :D
The evaluation of that exercise followed. Ian said that the purpose of that is for him to know how we felt standing in front of an audience - or just even in front of someone you know, who stares at you. Also, he wants us to observe, how our body reacts on such occasion. Almost all of us felt nervous, I did too. And that nervousness was the reason why, no one of us had the courage to look at the audience.
I did felt nervous - but not the kind of nervousness that I feel on a certain performance on stage. For me, it was just a typical "shyness" in front of everybody. My imaginations overflowed, that it got me unaware of the time passing by while standing. Maybe it was because I got used to standing up after I eat, and think of things while I let my food digest itself in my stomach(hehe); compared to, if I am supposed to be in a character of someone or something that needs to be always standing and that the audience need to see. That's different. If I know that I need to portray such character, I'll be too mindful of the instructions given to me. Just stand and do nothing. But in that exercise, I was not in character. I was myself. So in short, I did not follow the instructions. I did stood up, but my eyes were moving everywhere and my lips twitched every time I want to smile. :)
JUST STAND, PART 2
We did that exercise again. This time, for two minutes. We'll stand for two minutes - but was instructed to look at the audience, and if we felt a reaction in our body, we needed to let that reaction spread over the rest of our body parts. I said, okay (saying to myself, "follow the instructions this time, Jha. Just stand, if you feel anything, let that feeling show on the rest of your body parts").
I did it wrong again. Though, Ian said that there's actually no right or wrong on the said exercise, I still felt what I did was wrong. 'Coz despite of me literally bursting in laughter (after I saw one of my classmates, yawn and scratch herself in a fast manner like that of a child whose so impatient to get his milk from her mom), I still felt my knees getting stiff to the fact that I can't move it freely as I laugh. That's where my nervousness showed - which our mentor saw when I was standing there.
I thought that by choosing which among my feelings has the higher percentage of being shown on my body, is what I needed to show my audience, I could cover my nervousness. That's why I decided to let my upper torso show them how that simple thing got me teary-eyed while laughing. I thought that I could cover my knees shaking through that act. But it didn't. So for me, for following instructions, I'm on strike two. :)
THE TOUCH, REACT, AND GO
For the next exercise, Ian told us to choose a partner and decide whose going to be A and B. Then he instructed for all A's to lie down on the floor and close their eyes. The task of all B's were to touch their partner in any part of the body, let them react, then let go. Little by little, all B's will be given instructions on what to do next. Then exchange tasks - all A's will be the ones who'll touch, then all B's will be the ones who'll react (but this time, both are standing up).
THE TUNNEL 
The workshop ended with another case exercise, wherein we were asked to stand up, walk slowly and just focus on one spot in front of us - imagining there's a bright tunnel ahead, and that we're about to get out of a dark space (or so, that's how I imagined it to be). We were asked to not let go of that spot and follow the instructions given by our mentor, as we walk towards it - that no matter what happens, whatever it is he says we do, we're still looking at that spot, the tunnel.
Slowly as we walked, our mentor told us to imagine that, "there's a rose coming out of our left eye, then later, a rose is coming out of our hands, our back, our hips, which grows bigger and bigger...". I thought I have to show and react while there's something growing on me. Yes, we have to, but the instruction is NOT TO LET GO OF THE SPOT WHATEVER HAPPENS. I failed again. Tsk, tsk. Strike three. Hehe :)
We were asked to do it again. Correctly. Our mentor noticed my reaction as a beautiful rose grows on each part of my body. He asked, "Jha, what's a rose for you?" and I said, "It's full of thorns. I know it's supposed to be beautiful, but for me, they're just full of thorns". Now he understood why I reacted so differently from my classmates, who, just by hearing the type of flower, smiles and their faces brighten up. While I feel hurt and disappointed that there's something that grows on me, making my walk towards that end, so slow and complicated.
Well, it's not that I don't like that flower, though. In fact, I like anything red. But it's just that, I'd prefer a very beautiful, red Tulip, than that of a rose in which once it reaches my hands, I'll be so bothered thinking where to hold it, so it won't hurt me; than just hold a tulip right away and let me fondle on its beauty. :)
oOo
At the end of the day, we were given an assignment. Think of a "performance-to-die-for" and present it to class next Saturday. Something that we haven't done before, or simply put, we need to perform our dream role next week. A dream role that once we do it, we can die anytime with the fulfillment of that dream. The thought never left me for the entire week.
So there I was on a Monday morning, writing my own piece. I never danced in front of an audience - ever. Well, yeah I remember once, but I'm masked and with a costume. No one recognized me. And when I was in Grade 5 for our Village's Fiesta. But I haven't danced as an adult.
So, I thought of dancing. At the same time, there was this almost true-to-life story that I included in my script. Something that I have learned to let go, but didn't manage to forget. The thought of being taken advantage of; of wanting to escape from someone who went against your will to get his own pleasure; of wanting to get help.
My dream was to portray my own life, as I've been through a lot. I know we all do. But living my life and having the courage to portray it and show it to the whole world, makes a difference. Something that I will treasure til my last breath.
I just hope that I get to perform it the way I wanted it to be seen by the class. But anything happens, if I fail again, it won't matter. Just the thought of me having that courage and will to show what I got, makes me more than satisfied.
'Til next week! :)
The workshop ended with another case exercise, wherein we were asked to stand up, walk slowly and just focus on one spot in front of us - imagining there's a bright tunnel ahead, and that we're about to get out of a dark space (or so, that's how I imagined it to be). We were asked to not let go of that spot and follow the instructions given by our mentor, as we walk towards it - that no matter what happens, whatever it is he says we do, we're still looking at that spot, the tunnel.
Slowly as we walked, our mentor told us to imagine that, "there's a rose coming out of our left eye, then later, a rose is coming out of our hands, our back, our hips, which grows bigger and bigger...". I thought I have to show and react while there's something growing on me. Yes, we have to, but the instruction is NOT TO LET GO OF THE SPOT WHATEVER HAPPENS. I failed again. Tsk, tsk. Strike three. Hehe :)
We were asked to do it again. Correctly. Our mentor noticed my reaction as a beautiful rose grows on each part of my body. He asked, "Jha, what's a rose for you?" and I said, "It's full of thorns. I know it's supposed to be beautiful, but for me, they're just full of thorns". Now he understood why I reacted so differently from my classmates, who, just by hearing the type of flower, smiles and their faces brighten up. While I feel hurt and disappointed that there's something that grows on me, making my walk towards that end, so slow and complicated.
Well, it's not that I don't like that flower, though. In fact, I like anything red. But it's just that, I'd prefer a very beautiful, red Tulip, than that of a rose in which once it reaches my hands, I'll be so bothered thinking where to hold it, so it won't hurt me; than just hold a tulip right away and let me fondle on its beauty. :)
oOo
At the end of the day, we were given an assignment. Think of a "performance-to-die-for" and present it to class next Saturday. Something that we haven't done before, or simply put, we need to perform our dream role next week. A dream role that once we do it, we can die anytime with the fulfillment of that dream. The thought never left me for the entire week.
So there I was on a Monday morning, writing my own piece. I never danced in front of an audience - ever. Well, yeah I remember once, but I'm masked and with a costume. No one recognized me. And when I was in Grade 5 for our Village's Fiesta. But I haven't danced as an adult.
So, I thought of dancing. At the same time, there was this almost true-to-life story that I included in my script. Something that I have learned to let go, but didn't manage to forget. The thought of being taken advantage of; of wanting to escape from someone who went against your will to get his own pleasure; of wanting to get help.
My dream was to portray my own life, as I've been through a lot. I know we all do. But living my life and having the courage to portray it and show it to the whole world, makes a difference. Something that I will treasure til my last breath.
I just hope that I get to perform it the way I wanted it to be seen by the class. But anything happens, if I fail again, it won't matter. Just the thought of me having that courage and will to show what I got, makes me more than satisfied.
'Til next week! :)
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