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Saturday, October 29, 2011

Walking Thoughts [Part II]

SOON:

...I'll be leaving the place i loved for more than a year.
...I'll be leaving the landlords whom I considered my second parents, who never failed to understand and care for me (and who tell me stories, just to keep me company when I'm down and troubled).
...I won't receive any more free sliced pizza, salad, cake, or just any food/viand from them; whenever they feel I'm hungry and got no food to eat.
...I'll be invisible online, 'coz I won't have access to free internet connection anymore (after trusting me with their password).
...I'll be living with different sets of neighbors, and will once again learn how to befriend them.
...I'll have to pack my things, move-out and re-arrange them all over again, in a very short span of time, in a much smaller place than I used to live.

Amongst all these life-changes, there's always this one constant thing --- I will still be all by my self. Funny thing is, even if I keep on telling myself, I Am Fine and that I'm used to it, there's always this huge part of me, that says "No, you are not".

*Sigh* I wonder when all these will end. I want to enjoy life, the way I enjoyed it before. I want to be happy for Real. I want to pursue all my plans which were placed on hold for such a very long time. For once, I want to be someone who'll make a statement of success. For once, I want to be that someone, who they'll look up to and be proud of; and not someone who, after all the things I've done, sacrifices I made, and after everything that happened to me -- will get a feedback that I haven't done anything "right" and "good".

If only someone could understand how difficult it is to live alone, when there's no one to take care of you when you're sick, no one to laugh with when you're happy; if only someone could understand how it feels to be nobody, if only someone could understand how it feels to walk in a place where as if no one sees you, if only someone could understand that feeling of hopelessness when you can't run to anybody when you needed one most...then maybe, just maybe, you'll get my message across --- Living My Life Is Never That Easy.

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