Marie Claire article 111
December 15, 2008 9:15 AM by Rich Santos
I thought I would outgrow enjoying the thrill of the chase, but I can't get over it.
Most guys go out there with the goal of getting laid.
Lately, all it takes for me to feel total accomplishment is having a girl call me "cute" or "funny." At that point, I can leave the bar, stop by the diner for late-night-eats, and lie down alone knowing that someone out there found me attractive.
I'm sure a lot of you get frustrated that guys seem to lose their passion when they have finally started dating you. Here are some reasons guys love the thrill of the chase:
Laziness
At first glance, chasing does not seem like a lazy activity. But it is. When I'm chasing a girl there is no pressure to succeed. So, when a girl calls me "cute," I can assume my chase is over and I can call it quits. It's lazy to participate in chasing girls, but it's hard to be lazy when you actually date and get into a serious relationship.
The Fantasy Ideal
When I chase a girl, I do so without knowing her too well. The chasing stage is all about getting to know her and learning more about her...well, stalking her. And all while I'm stalking, I am falling more and more for this girl I don't really know, but I've set her up in my mind as the perfect, unattainable girl. Once dating begins, she usually doesn't turn out to be what I built her up to be.
Competitive Nature
Guys love the hunt. So, we are just fulfilling our destiny when we chase girls, even if we don't end up winning them over. The chase is fun and feels natural. We don't respond as well when we are being chased; we kind of don't know what to do.
The Giddiness Factor
You know that fun part of the relationship, where everything is new and you're giddy about everything? You get those butterflies in your tummy every time you see that special person. Part of the giddiness is feeling unsure of how things are going, with an overall positive vibe. This is the essence of the thrill of the chase: Anything's possible!
You Can Remain Single While Chasing
While I'm chasing one girl, I can open up my efforts to a few girls. While I'm chasing someone, if I'm a halfway decent person, I'm single, so there is no responsibility to anyone.
I Love Teamwork
When I launched my campaign on my high school sweetheart, I assigned a friend in her class the task of mole: Listen to her conversations, figure out where she was going on a given weekend, and report back to me. Was there any chance that I'd be able to win her over? We schemed and planned and had a common goal in mind. But once I actually started dating her, my buddy was no longer in the picture. We were both comfortable with how things were going, so there was no longer "breaking news" that she said she'd be attending a certain party, along with the excitement and hope that went along with it.
She Seems Impossible to Get To
Guys are intrigued when a girl is not accessible, so they aspire to get on her radar. She seems so elusive, mysterious, and unattainable. It gets to the point that I'm thinking: "She's got to be mine some way, somehow!"
The chase has a number of "guy" behaviors built into it: the hunt, fear of commitment, and camaraderie with our buddies. It also has a number of things that are universally intriguing to guys and gals: mystery and adventure.
I just wonder when I'm going to grow up and get over the chase and settle on dating a girl because I actually want to date her?
Do you ever enjoy the chase? Do you find that guys in your life love the chase and then disappear or lose their passion? Is it just a matter of meeting the right girl — will I stop chasing when I find the right one? Or is it a matter of maturity?
(matter of maturity. Grow up guys :p )
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