Ten Dating Red Flags

Marie Claire article 112
September 12, 2008 2:35 PM by Rich Santos

When determining if you should let things get serious, remember: actions speak louder than words. With that being said, here are ten dating red flags. If you see any of these, do yourself a favor and reconsider if it's worth it for you:

1. You Are Not on the VIP List For Breaking News
Were you the last to learn about this person's job promotion or newborn niece or nephew? Once things are serious, you should be among the first to know about exciting news, or bad news.(hmmmm...well, he tells me naman so far whatever's new to him..he got sick,he had an accident, he got a new phone...good enough?Ü)

2. They Avoid Meeting Your Family or Friends
If they are shying away from meeting your friends/family consistently, then there are problems. Even if they are very shy, they should want to meet those who are important to you. (yeah...well, he said he's just too busy to meet them...he's too busy to see me again...how much more my family and friends right?damn...hehe)

3. They Don't Make Any Sacrifices
Healthy relationships don't require bending over backwards all the time, but a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary in a selfless union. When two of my friends first started dating one another, she demanded that he go to Farm Aid for her birthday, which was also the opening NFL football Sunday. While all the guys gathered to watch the games, he was sweltering on some field attending Farm Aid-an event he never would have gone to if she hadn't of invited him. Now that's sacrifice.
(I am now under this circumstance when I know he just wont make a way to find time and see me after 6months. His excuse? He's BUSY. For the past 6months, he's busy. I know that knowing this fact should already be a red flag for me. But the problem with knowing the truth? is that you won't accept it even if you're already on the losing end. Sucks right? Hayy...life...hehe)

4. They Can't Fit In Your Future
I admit it. When I meet girls, I envision future moments I may some day share with them. Most of my scenarios are her with my family and I at a Christmas holiday, or at a summer crabfeast. If I'm really into her, I usually relish the thought. If not, I kinda cringe. (Yup...if i'm really into him, I usually relish the thought. Even include him in my fantasies. hehe. But if not, I just dont care.hehe)

5. They Are Too Controlling
It's scary but I've seen many relationships where guys forbid girls to hang out with certain friends, or wear certain clothes. Major problem if someone is controlling you and not allowing you to be who you want to be within a relationship.
(Agree. It's also a major turn-off for me if my guy won't allow me to be "me". My rule: The more I am restricted, the more I don't deliver or I become "pasaway"Ü)

6. The "What Are We" Conversation Fails Miserably
Almost every relationship hits that crossroads where you both decide if it's worth taking the plunge into being exclusive and calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are confused and surprised that you're ready to get serious, the timing is not right, and you should try to figure out how long you want to wait around until they are ready. (yeah, still on the waiting end...hoo...grant me more patience please..hehe)

7. They Talk About Plans That Don't Involve You
My sister has major wanderlust. She's always talking about heading off to Chicago or living in London for a year. She often talks about these things with no regard for the fact that she has a boyfriend at the time. If you find that someone is making plans or talking about far off places without inviting you along for the ride, don't let yourself get too into them. (yeah...what about telling me that he had set plans for the both of us,only on the time that I was ready to give him up, had I not took his name off to access my private album?haha...talk about "too late" huh)

8. Your Friends or Family Don't Like Them
Remember that your friends and family know you best. Don't take their thoughts with a grain of salt. It's one thing if a person or two don't get along with your significant other, but if a lot of them are saying you should reconsider, then do it. Unfortunately, we often find out about how much our friends hated that person after this person is gone. (No need to wait til he's gone..they certainly don't like him now because he doesn't make time for me.Its just me who can't let him go...yet...talk about martyrdom...damn)


9. They Violated Your Trust
Whether it's cheating or a little lie that they got caught in, it will be hard to regain trust. Trust is something we don't' give away easily and once it's gone it's hard to get it back. We'll always be wondering about that lie, and doubt will creep in more and more as our minds fixate on that lie. Too often, people take trust for granted and once they lose it they never get it back.

10. You Practice "Unbalanced Dating"
Are you always seeing his friends or doing things that he wants to do? Do you just let him pick the restaurants, and events? Or is it the other way around? Relationships are fun when you are both able to contribute. If you're not taking turns creating fun times together, it will most likely fizzle out. (how i loved to share to him the things i have in mind, the adventures and places i'd like to go to..but he just can't find time..uggghhh)

What would you add to the list? Ever been a victim of any of these red flags?