oOo heehee...my last song syndrome...caught up in my dreams... oOo
Patti Austin
.song 103.
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles
I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear i'm there
If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear i'm there
I'm there
I'm there
If I believed
Friday, March 27, 2009
Does The Perfect Girl Exist?
Marie Claire article 113
October 28, 2008 6:54 AM by Rich Santos
I can't find the "perfect" girl because I've created a personality in my mind that may not exist.
My perfect girl could be characterized as a "Tom-Princess".
Here are five contradictions that exist in my imaginary ideal girl:
1. She is very put together, but she doesn't mind coming apart.
I go crazy for girls who look polished on the surface: pretty hair cut straight across the back, perfect bangs with that amazing diagonal slant that almost hides one eye. I love when a girl pays attention to fashion too: jeans with heels, creative looks, or anything that just works for her.
(What catches my attention is a guy who has a polished long hair - not too long for a girl's cut though, umm, how do guys call that hairstyle "clean cut"? As long as he can manage to keep it clean and smell good, it's a turn-on. Most especially if he runs his fingers through his hair "hawi effect" in Tagalog, then stare at me,that guy will surely make my knees weak..haha. I recently find shaved head "kalbo" guys with not much of a goatee - much better if none - attractive and sexy too! As long as it suits them though. hehe =D )
While she's polished, I want her to be able to laugh at herself when she's caught in the rain or when she trips over a rift in the concrete. She's not always dressed up, she'll love to veg in sweats as well.
(Yeah, I want my guy to be goofy and can laugh at himself too whenever he does something stupid/funny just to impress me. A too serious and formal guy will really bore me at an instant. And 'veg in sweats'? Damn, i like to see my guy on that too! haha..so sexy)
She'll basically walk into a room looking like a goddess, but prove to be very down to earth under all of the polish. She's the gorgeous one who can drink with the best of them and get a bit rowdy at a party. She likes to get a martini in a nice lounge or check out fine art, but also likes playing flag football, camping or fishing.
(Well, he should be walking into a room looking like he knows almost everybody, yet he won't forget that he's with me or I am with him and will be more than willing to introduce me to his friends whenever he passed by one. It will always be a girl's pleasure being introduced to her guy's friends. =p He's the guy who can drink with the best of them and yes get a bit rowdy at a party; yet manages to drive me home safe and secure. He won't bother going out with me to a nice lounge, talk anything under the sun and enjoy the ambiance; or check out fine art or watch stage plays, but also likes playing like a child in a mall's Arcade station, camping and travelling with me.)
2. She is really smart, but she doesn't know so much so that I can't show her new things.
Another contradiction: I want to meet a girl who has passion for knowledge and is able to teach me random things, and educate me about life. But, she can't be so smart that I can't bring anything to the table. (Me too!=p)
3. She has structure in her life, but also appreciates goofiness and nonsense.
We all know one of my major weaknesses is that I have no structure in my life. I'm a poor budgeter of time and money. I need to find someone who can provide structure without nagging me. She needs to be like my best guy friends: I go to them for practical advice to balance my thinking that is driven by imagination and gut reaction.
She needs to give me room to make mistakes, and laugh at me because she finds it hard to believe that anyone's mind can be as scattered as mine. But she will be a pillar I can lean on and trust.
(I need to find someone who can guide me(not dictate) through my decisions in life, tell me if what I was thinking is way out of my league and impossible to achieve, and would suggest things on how i can act on my plans without making me feel like a dumb princess. He needs to also give me room to make mistakes, and laugh at me as well.)
4. She seeks intellectually stimulating entertainment, but also loves stupid things that don't make her think.
She needs to have the ability to appreciate the fine arts and expose me to new genres of sophisticated entertainment. But, she also needs to be able to watch goofy films like Sixteen Candles, stupid horror movies, bad TV while making fun of all of it with me. And, of course, she needs to be able to analyze, predict, and appreciate Lifetime movies like my buddies and I do.
(Yup, he needs to have the ability to appreciate the fine arts too and not find it boring and also introduce me to new genres of entertainment in which I may not have known)
5. She needs to be a "girl" but also one of the guys.
This is a delicate mix; I don't want her to be too much of a guy with my friends. At the same time, if she's too prissy I'll get annoyed.
(Well, I dont want my guy to be one of the girls for sure. Haha. Nahh, I just want him to be sensitive enough to understand what a girl could feel whenever he throws tantrums. I want him to befriend my guy friends too. I want him to know my girl friends as well and hope he won't think or imagine anything romantic with them.)
These contradictions are all based on being a princess, polished and perfect, while vulnerable and down to earth. I find that most girls I've met so far in NYC have been too much one way or the other.
When a girl is a total princess, I get annoyed and they come off as icy and inconsiderate. When she's "one of the guys" then she just becomes a friend and I start trying to go for her friends because I can't think of her romantically.
In the celebrity world, the closest person to my perfect girl is Amanda Bynes. She's really cute, and can have that polished look. But at the same time she has a boundless sense of humor and she isn't afraid to flaunt her inner clutz.
Is defining "perfection" in a girl a dangerous proposition? Perhaps I am creating this impossible girl because I'm ultimately afraid to commit. If I make an ideal that doesn't exist, maybe I'm unconsciously ensuring that I won't have a shot at a relationship.
Maybe I just want to date someone who is a really pretty best friend.
Do you think it's possible to find a girl like this out there? Perhaps I just need to find a mix of everything I want, but not have such rigid requirements on how exact this mix needs to be. If you define your perfect guy, is he full of contradictions like my perfect girl?
(Yes. Full of contradictions like your perfect girl too. A little mix of a romantic-manly-crazy-serious-sexy-loving Man is all I ever wanted. Where is he? heehee :p)
October 28, 2008 6:54 AM by Rich Santos
I can't find the "perfect" girl because I've created a personality in my mind that may not exist.
My perfect girl could be characterized as a "Tom-Princess".
Here are five contradictions that exist in my imaginary ideal girl:
1. She is very put together, but she doesn't mind coming apart.
I go crazy for girls who look polished on the surface: pretty hair cut straight across the back, perfect bangs with that amazing diagonal slant that almost hides one eye. I love when a girl pays attention to fashion too: jeans with heels, creative looks, or anything that just works for her.
(What catches my attention is a guy who has a polished long hair - not too long for a girl's cut though, umm, how do guys call that hairstyle "clean cut"? As long as he can manage to keep it clean and smell good, it's a turn-on. Most especially if he runs his fingers through his hair "hawi effect" in Tagalog, then stare at me,that guy will surely make my knees weak..haha. I recently find shaved head "kalbo" guys with not much of a goatee - much better if none - attractive and sexy too! As long as it suits them though. hehe =D )
While she's polished, I want her to be able to laugh at herself when she's caught in the rain or when she trips over a rift in the concrete. She's not always dressed up, she'll love to veg in sweats as well.
(Yeah, I want my guy to be goofy and can laugh at himself too whenever he does something stupid/funny just to impress me. A too serious and formal guy will really bore me at an instant. And 'veg in sweats'? Damn, i like to see my guy on that too! haha..so sexy)
She'll basically walk into a room looking like a goddess, but prove to be very down to earth under all of the polish. She's the gorgeous one who can drink with the best of them and get a bit rowdy at a party. She likes to get a martini in a nice lounge or check out fine art, but also likes playing flag football, camping or fishing.
(Well, he should be walking into a room looking like he knows almost everybody, yet he won't forget that he's with me or I am with him and will be more than willing to introduce me to his friends whenever he passed by one. It will always be a girl's pleasure being introduced to her guy's friends. =p He's the guy who can drink with the best of them and yes get a bit rowdy at a party; yet manages to drive me home safe and secure. He won't bother going out with me to a nice lounge, talk anything under the sun and enjoy the ambiance; or check out fine art or watch stage plays, but also likes playing like a child in a mall's Arcade station, camping and travelling with me.)
2. She is really smart, but she doesn't know so much so that I can't show her new things.
Another contradiction: I want to meet a girl who has passion for knowledge and is able to teach me random things, and educate me about life. But, she can't be so smart that I can't bring anything to the table. (Me too!=p)
3. She has structure in her life, but also appreciates goofiness and nonsense.
We all know one of my major weaknesses is that I have no structure in my life. I'm a poor budgeter of time and money. I need to find someone who can provide structure without nagging me. She needs to be like my best guy friends: I go to them for practical advice to balance my thinking that is driven by imagination and gut reaction.
She needs to give me room to make mistakes, and laugh at me because she finds it hard to believe that anyone's mind can be as scattered as mine. But she will be a pillar I can lean on and trust.
(I need to find someone who can guide me(not dictate) through my decisions in life, tell me if what I was thinking is way out of my league and impossible to achieve, and would suggest things on how i can act on my plans without making me feel like a dumb princess. He needs to also give me room to make mistakes, and laugh at me as well.)
4. She seeks intellectually stimulating entertainment, but also loves stupid things that don't make her think.
She needs to have the ability to appreciate the fine arts and expose me to new genres of sophisticated entertainment. But, she also needs to be able to watch goofy films like Sixteen Candles, stupid horror movies, bad TV while making fun of all of it with me. And, of course, she needs to be able to analyze, predict, and appreciate Lifetime movies like my buddies and I do.
(Yup, he needs to have the ability to appreciate the fine arts too and not find it boring and also introduce me to new genres of entertainment in which I may not have known)
5. She needs to be a "girl" but also one of the guys.
This is a delicate mix; I don't want her to be too much of a guy with my friends. At the same time, if she's too prissy I'll get annoyed.
(Well, I dont want my guy to be one of the girls for sure. Haha. Nahh, I just want him to be sensitive enough to understand what a girl could feel whenever he throws tantrums. I want him to befriend my guy friends too. I want him to know my girl friends as well and hope he won't think or imagine anything romantic with them.)
These contradictions are all based on being a princess, polished and perfect, while vulnerable and down to earth. I find that most girls I've met so far in NYC have been too much one way or the other.
When a girl is a total princess, I get annoyed and they come off as icy and inconsiderate. When she's "one of the guys" then she just becomes a friend and I start trying to go for her friends because I can't think of her romantically.
In the celebrity world, the closest person to my perfect girl is Amanda Bynes. She's really cute, and can have that polished look. But at the same time she has a boundless sense of humor and she isn't afraid to flaunt her inner clutz.
Is defining "perfection" in a girl a dangerous proposition? Perhaps I am creating this impossible girl because I'm ultimately afraid to commit. If I make an ideal that doesn't exist, maybe I'm unconsciously ensuring that I won't have a shot at a relationship.
Maybe I just want to date someone who is a really pretty best friend.
Do you think it's possible to find a girl like this out there? Perhaps I just need to find a mix of everything I want, but not have such rigid requirements on how exact this mix needs to be. If you define your perfect guy, is he full of contradictions like my perfect girl?
(Yes. Full of contradictions like your perfect girl too. A little mix of a romantic-manly-crazy-serious-sexy-loving Man is all I ever wanted. Where is he? heehee :p)
Ten Dating Red Flags
Marie Claire article 112
September 12, 2008 2:35 PM by Rich Santos
When determining if you should let things get serious, remember: actions speak louder than words. With that being said, here are ten dating red flags. If you see any of these, do yourself a favor and reconsider if it's worth it for you:
1. You Are Not on the VIP List For Breaking News
Were you the last to learn about this person's job promotion or newborn niece or nephew? Once things are serious, you should be among the first to know about exciting news, or bad news.(hmmmm...well, he tells me naman so far whatever's new to him..he got sick,he had an accident, he got a new phone...good enough?Ü)
2. They Avoid Meeting Your Family or Friends
If they are shying away from meeting your friends/family consistently, then there are problems. Even if they are very shy, they should want to meet those who are important to you. (yeah...well, he said he's just too busy to meet them...he's too busy to see me again...how much more my family and friends right?damn...hehe)
3. They Don't Make Any Sacrifices
Healthy relationships don't require bending over backwards all the time, but a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary in a selfless union. When two of my friends first started dating one another, she demanded that he go to Farm Aid for her birthday, which was also the opening NFL football Sunday. While all the guys gathered to watch the games, he was sweltering on some field attending Farm Aid-an event he never would have gone to if she hadn't of invited him. Now that's sacrifice.
(I am now under this circumstance when I know he just wont make a way to find time and see me after 6months. His excuse? He's BUSY. For the past 6months, he's busy. I know that knowing this fact should already be a red flag for me. But the problem with knowing the truth? is that you won't accept it even if you're already on the losing end. Sucks right? Hayy...life...hehe)
4. They Can't Fit In Your Future
I admit it. When I meet girls, I envision future moments I may some day share with them. Most of my scenarios are her with my family and I at a Christmas holiday, or at a summer crabfeast. If I'm really into her, I usually relish the thought. If not, I kinda cringe. (Yup...if i'm really into him, I usually relish the thought. Even include him in my fantasies. hehe. But if not, I just dont care.hehe)
5. They Are Too Controlling
It's scary but I've seen many relationships where guys forbid girls to hang out with certain friends, or wear certain clothes. Major problem if someone is controlling you and not allowing you to be who you want to be within a relationship.
(Agree. It's also a major turn-off for me if my guy won't allow me to be "me". My rule: The more I am restricted, the more I don't deliver or I become "pasaway"Ü)
6. The "What Are We" Conversation Fails Miserably
Almost every relationship hits that crossroads where you both decide if it's worth taking the plunge into being exclusive and calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are confused and surprised that you're ready to get serious, the timing is not right, and you should try to figure out how long you want to wait around until they are ready. (yeah, still on the waiting end...hoo...grant me more patience please..hehe)
7. They Talk About Plans That Don't Involve You
My sister has major wanderlust. She's always talking about heading off to Chicago or living in London for a year. She often talks about these things with no regard for the fact that she has a boyfriend at the time. If you find that someone is making plans or talking about far off places without inviting you along for the ride, don't let yourself get too into them. (yeah...what about telling me that he had set plans for the both of us,only on the time that I was ready to give him up, had I not took his name off to access my private album?haha...talk about "too late" huh)
8. Your Friends or Family Don't Like Them
Remember that your friends and family know you best. Don't take their thoughts with a grain of salt. It's one thing if a person or two don't get along with your significant other, but if a lot of them are saying you should reconsider, then do it. Unfortunately, we often find out about how much our friends hated that person after this person is gone. (No need to wait til he's gone..they certainly don't like him now because he doesn't make time for me.Its just me who can't let him go...yet...talk about martyrdom...damn)
9. They Violated Your Trust
Whether it's cheating or a little lie that they got caught in, it will be hard to regain trust. Trust is something we don't' give away easily and once it's gone it's hard to get it back. We'll always be wondering about that lie, and doubt will creep in more and more as our minds fixate on that lie. Too often, people take trust for granted and once they lose it they never get it back.
10. You Practice "Unbalanced Dating"
Are you always seeing his friends or doing things that he wants to do? Do you just let him pick the restaurants, and events? Or is it the other way around? Relationships are fun when you are both able to contribute. If you're not taking turns creating fun times together, it will most likely fizzle out. (how i loved to share to him the things i have in mind, the adventures and places i'd like to go to..but he just can't find time..uggghhh)
What would you add to the list? Ever been a victim of any of these red flags?
September 12, 2008 2:35 PM by Rich Santos
When determining if you should let things get serious, remember: actions speak louder than words. With that being said, here are ten dating red flags. If you see any of these, do yourself a favor and reconsider if it's worth it for you:
1. You Are Not on the VIP List For Breaking News
Were you the last to learn about this person's job promotion or newborn niece or nephew? Once things are serious, you should be among the first to know about exciting news, or bad news.(hmmmm...well, he tells me naman so far whatever's new to him..he got sick,he had an accident, he got a new phone...good enough?Ü)
2. They Avoid Meeting Your Family or Friends
If they are shying away from meeting your friends/family consistently, then there are problems. Even if they are very shy, they should want to meet those who are important to you. (yeah...well, he said he's just too busy to meet them...he's too busy to see me again...how much more my family and friends right?damn...hehe)
3. They Don't Make Any Sacrifices
Healthy relationships don't require bending over backwards all the time, but a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary in a selfless union. When two of my friends first started dating one another, she demanded that he go to Farm Aid for her birthday, which was also the opening NFL football Sunday. While all the guys gathered to watch the games, he was sweltering on some field attending Farm Aid-an event he never would have gone to if she hadn't of invited him. Now that's sacrifice.
(I am now under this circumstance when I know he just wont make a way to find time and see me after 6months. His excuse? He's BUSY. For the past 6months, he's busy. I know that knowing this fact should already be a red flag for me. But the problem with knowing the truth? is that you won't accept it even if you're already on the losing end. Sucks right? Hayy...life...hehe)
4. They Can't Fit In Your Future
I admit it. When I meet girls, I envision future moments I may some day share with them. Most of my scenarios are her with my family and I at a Christmas holiday, or at a summer crabfeast. If I'm really into her, I usually relish the thought. If not, I kinda cringe. (Yup...if i'm really into him, I usually relish the thought. Even include him in my fantasies. hehe. But if not, I just dont care.hehe)
5. They Are Too Controlling
It's scary but I've seen many relationships where guys forbid girls to hang out with certain friends, or wear certain clothes. Major problem if someone is controlling you and not allowing you to be who you want to be within a relationship.
(Agree. It's also a major turn-off for me if my guy won't allow me to be "me". My rule: The more I am restricted, the more I don't deliver or I become "pasaway"Ü)
6. The "What Are We" Conversation Fails Miserably
Almost every relationship hits that crossroads where you both decide if it's worth taking the plunge into being exclusive and calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. If they are confused and surprised that you're ready to get serious, the timing is not right, and you should try to figure out how long you want to wait around until they are ready. (yeah, still on the waiting end...hoo...grant me more patience please..hehe)
7. They Talk About Plans That Don't Involve You
My sister has major wanderlust. She's always talking about heading off to Chicago or living in London for a year. She often talks about these things with no regard for the fact that she has a boyfriend at the time. If you find that someone is making plans or talking about far off places without inviting you along for the ride, don't let yourself get too into them. (yeah...what about telling me that he had set plans for the both of us,only on the time that I was ready to give him up, had I not took his name off to access my private album?haha...talk about "too late" huh)
8. Your Friends or Family Don't Like Them
Remember that your friends and family know you best. Don't take their thoughts with a grain of salt. It's one thing if a person or two don't get along with your significant other, but if a lot of them are saying you should reconsider, then do it. Unfortunately, we often find out about how much our friends hated that person after this person is gone. (No need to wait til he's gone..they certainly don't like him now because he doesn't make time for me.Its just me who can't let him go...yet...talk about martyrdom...damn)
9. They Violated Your Trust
Whether it's cheating or a little lie that they got caught in, it will be hard to regain trust. Trust is something we don't' give away easily and once it's gone it's hard to get it back. We'll always be wondering about that lie, and doubt will creep in more and more as our minds fixate on that lie. Too often, people take trust for granted and once they lose it they never get it back.
10. You Practice "Unbalanced Dating"
Are you always seeing his friends or doing things that he wants to do? Do you just let him pick the restaurants, and events? Or is it the other way around? Relationships are fun when you are both able to contribute. If you're not taking turns creating fun times together, it will most likely fizzle out. (how i loved to share to him the things i have in mind, the adventures and places i'd like to go to..but he just can't find time..uggghhh)
What would you add to the list? Ever been a victim of any of these red flags?
Why Guys Love the "Thrill of the Chase"
Marie Claire article 111
December 15, 2008 9:15 AM by Rich Santos
I thought I would outgrow enjoying the thrill of the chase, but I can't get over it.
Most guys go out there with the goal of getting laid.
Lately, all it takes for me to feel total accomplishment is having a girl call me "cute" or "funny." At that point, I can leave the bar, stop by the diner for late-night-eats, and lie down alone knowing that someone out there found me attractive.
I'm sure a lot of you get frustrated that guys seem to lose their passion when they have finally started dating you. Here are some reasons guys love the thrill of the chase:
Laziness
At first glance, chasing does not seem like a lazy activity. But it is. When I'm chasing a girl there is no pressure to succeed. So, when a girl calls me "cute," I can assume my chase is over and I can call it quits. It's lazy to participate in chasing girls, but it's hard to be lazy when you actually date and get into a serious relationship.
The Fantasy Ideal
When I chase a girl, I do so without knowing her too well. The chasing stage is all about getting to know her and learning more about her...well, stalking her. And all while I'm stalking, I am falling more and more for this girl I don't really know, but I've set her up in my mind as the perfect, unattainable girl. Once dating begins, she usually doesn't turn out to be what I built her up to be.
Competitive Nature
Guys love the hunt. So, we are just fulfilling our destiny when we chase girls, even if we don't end up winning them over. The chase is fun and feels natural. We don't respond as well when we are being chased; we kind of don't know what to do.
The Giddiness Factor
You know that fun part of the relationship, where everything is new and you're giddy about everything? You get those butterflies in your tummy every time you see that special person. Part of the giddiness is feeling unsure of how things are going, with an overall positive vibe. This is the essence of the thrill of the chase: Anything's possible!
You Can Remain Single While Chasing
While I'm chasing one girl, I can open up my efforts to a few girls. While I'm chasing someone, if I'm a halfway decent person, I'm single, so there is no responsibility to anyone.
I Love Teamwork
When I launched my campaign on my high school sweetheart, I assigned a friend in her class the task of mole: Listen to her conversations, figure out where she was going on a given weekend, and report back to me. Was there any chance that I'd be able to win her over? We schemed and planned and had a common goal in mind. But once I actually started dating her, my buddy was no longer in the picture. We were both comfortable with how things were going, so there was no longer "breaking news" that she said she'd be attending a certain party, along with the excitement and hope that went along with it.
She Seems Impossible to Get To
Guys are intrigued when a girl is not accessible, so they aspire to get on her radar. She seems so elusive, mysterious, and unattainable. It gets to the point that I'm thinking: "She's got to be mine some way, somehow!"
The chase has a number of "guy" behaviors built into it: the hunt, fear of commitment, and camaraderie with our buddies. It also has a number of things that are universally intriguing to guys and gals: mystery and adventure.
I just wonder when I'm going to grow up and get over the chase and settle on dating a girl because I actually want to date her?
Do you ever enjoy the chase? Do you find that guys in your life love the chase and then disappear or lose their passion? Is it just a matter of meeting the right girl — will I stop chasing when I find the right one? Or is it a matter of maturity?
(matter of maturity. Grow up guys :p )
December 15, 2008 9:15 AM by Rich Santos
I thought I would outgrow enjoying the thrill of the chase, but I can't get over it.
Most guys go out there with the goal of getting laid.
Lately, all it takes for me to feel total accomplishment is having a girl call me "cute" or "funny." At that point, I can leave the bar, stop by the diner for late-night-eats, and lie down alone knowing that someone out there found me attractive.
I'm sure a lot of you get frustrated that guys seem to lose their passion when they have finally started dating you. Here are some reasons guys love the thrill of the chase:
Laziness
At first glance, chasing does not seem like a lazy activity. But it is. When I'm chasing a girl there is no pressure to succeed. So, when a girl calls me "cute," I can assume my chase is over and I can call it quits. It's lazy to participate in chasing girls, but it's hard to be lazy when you actually date and get into a serious relationship.
The Fantasy Ideal
When I chase a girl, I do so without knowing her too well. The chasing stage is all about getting to know her and learning more about her...well, stalking her. And all while I'm stalking, I am falling more and more for this girl I don't really know, but I've set her up in my mind as the perfect, unattainable girl. Once dating begins, she usually doesn't turn out to be what I built her up to be.
Competitive Nature
Guys love the hunt. So, we are just fulfilling our destiny when we chase girls, even if we don't end up winning them over. The chase is fun and feels natural. We don't respond as well when we are being chased; we kind of don't know what to do.
The Giddiness Factor
You know that fun part of the relationship, where everything is new and you're giddy about everything? You get those butterflies in your tummy every time you see that special person. Part of the giddiness is feeling unsure of how things are going, with an overall positive vibe. This is the essence of the thrill of the chase: Anything's possible!
You Can Remain Single While Chasing
While I'm chasing one girl, I can open up my efforts to a few girls. While I'm chasing someone, if I'm a halfway decent person, I'm single, so there is no responsibility to anyone.
I Love Teamwork
When I launched my campaign on my high school sweetheart, I assigned a friend in her class the task of mole: Listen to her conversations, figure out where she was going on a given weekend, and report back to me. Was there any chance that I'd be able to win her over? We schemed and planned and had a common goal in mind. But once I actually started dating her, my buddy was no longer in the picture. We were both comfortable with how things were going, so there was no longer "breaking news" that she said she'd be attending a certain party, along with the excitement and hope that went along with it.
She Seems Impossible to Get To
Guys are intrigued when a girl is not accessible, so they aspire to get on her radar. She seems so elusive, mysterious, and unattainable. It gets to the point that I'm thinking: "She's got to be mine some way, somehow!"
The chase has a number of "guy" behaviors built into it: the hunt, fear of commitment, and camaraderie with our buddies. It also has a number of things that are universally intriguing to guys and gals: mystery and adventure.
I just wonder when I'm going to grow up and get over the chase and settle on dating a girl because I actually want to date her?
Do you ever enjoy the chase? Do you find that guys in your life love the chase and then disappear or lose their passion? Is it just a matter of meeting the right girl — will I stop chasing when I find the right one? Or is it a matter of maturity?
(matter of maturity. Grow up guys :p )
How to Date Like a Man
Marie Claire article 110
By Erin Dailey
OWN THE ROOM
When’s the last time you saw a guy walk into a bar or party looking useless and confused? Okay, so it was yesterday. Were you interested in him? No? Shocker. That’s because most guys walk into a place with a purpose. Unless they’re looking for a space to park their binder filled with original Star Trek drawings, they’re looking for friends or women. And you should look the same. When you walk into a place, act like you know where the hell you’re going, even if you don’t. Everyone will wonder who you are and why you’re there, but they’ll never think you’re useless and confused.
EYE YOUR PREY
Got your eye on someone? Good. Don’t shy away. Look him straight in the eye and think, You should be attached to my lips by now; why aren’t you? Trust me, he’ll read your thoughts like they’re projected above your head on a wide-screen.
FAKE INTEREST
Look, no one cares about what anyone else has to say. They just don’t. But what you have to do is pretend that you do. Ask about their life, their job, their parents, anything to keep them talking. Because the more fake interest you show in them, the easier it is to disarm them. Guys are used to talking about themselves, as are we all, but if you actually fake an interest, they kind of don’t know what to do. Like puppies trapped in a cage in the window of a pet shop, they are addicted to the interest you show in them. Tap the glass. Watch them lick your fingers.
TAKE CONTROL
You’re at the bar, you’re talking to him, it’s been hours, and still nothing has happened. Do us all a favor: Kiss the idiot. For one thing, he’s not going to not appreciate it. For another, if you don’t do it, someone else will.
There are two ways to take control of a situation like this, whether you’re at a bar or a wedding or an inauguration.
Way #1: Lean forward and say, “You have the cutest lips!”
Way #2: Lean forward and say, “Are you going to kiss me now or WHAT?”
Way #2, obviously, puts the ball in his court and makes him feel in control, even though, really, you’ve just instructed him to kiss you, which is pretty much what you wanted him to do in the first place.
You can always take control by just telling him to do what he probably wanted to do anyway; whether it’s kissing you or getting you a cab home. Tell him what to do. He’ll like it.
SEX IS ALWAYS ON THE MENU
Do you want sex? No, really, do you? Because men do. And that’s pretty much all they want from you until they get to know you and your sense of humor and how you put on your shoes in that cute way that no one else does. And until you realize that sex is not an invitation to boyfriendville, you’re screwed.
He just wants to have sex with you. And you? You want to have sex with him. So do it already. Enjoy it. Tell him what you want. Make him your momentary love slave. And after it’s over?
Make him sleep in the wet spot.
NEVER EXCHANGE ALL YOUR INFORMATION
This is so incredibly important. Give him your name. Give him a fake cell number. In this age of the Internet, anyone can find you if they want to, but, that being said, it doesn’t mean you should hand out your cell phone number to every last guy you happen to sleep with. Tell him what you do for a living, but don’t tell him where you work. Give him your e-mail address, but don’t tell him what you do. Do not divulge all of your personal details. Why?
BECAUSE HE WILL CALL YOU.
And you will not want him to. And you will be all, “Oh. Hi. Yeah. Um....” And he will be all, “Yeah. You. And me. And....” And you will feel like a man for the first time in your life, and you will say, “It was really nice meeting you the other night, but I have to floss my cat three times a day and I’m in charge of the electricity for the Chrysler building and why don’t we just ... hook up later in the year. When I’m willing to?” And he will be all sad and lonely and want to see you again, and you will think, Wait, who IS this guy? And then you will be sorry that you handed out your personal information to a potential stalker.
CALLING IS OPTIONAL
So you’ve had sex. Good for you! Guess what? You never have to talk to each other ever again if you don’t want to. Know why? It's not required to talk after sex. If you had a good time but you don’t want to date him, don’t call him. If you had a good time and you do want to date him ... don’t call him. Know why? Because you just had a one-night stand. And one-night stands, barring unforeseen circumstances, will never wind up in a relationship.
ONE-NIGHT STANDS ARE FUN
Not to go all Samantha on you or anything, but seriously, one-night stands are awesome. No muss no fuss, no strings, possibly good sex, no worry about the following morning or possible dating situations. One-night stands ... they have their merit. Do we all want a sexual partner with whom we can tell our deepest secrets and joys? Sure. Do we all want the occasional bang-up against a chain-link fence behind a bar with no consequences? Hell. Yeah. Never shall the two meet. Unless we’re really lucky.
Want more from Erin Dailey? Check out ErinDailey.com
By Erin Dailey
OWN THE ROOM
When’s the last time you saw a guy walk into a bar or party looking useless and confused? Okay, so it was yesterday. Were you interested in him? No? Shocker. That’s because most guys walk into a place with a purpose. Unless they’re looking for a space to park their binder filled with original Star Trek drawings, they’re looking for friends or women. And you should look the same. When you walk into a place, act like you know where the hell you’re going, even if you don’t. Everyone will wonder who you are and why you’re there, but they’ll never think you’re useless and confused.
EYE YOUR PREY
Got your eye on someone? Good. Don’t shy away. Look him straight in the eye and think, You should be attached to my lips by now; why aren’t you? Trust me, he’ll read your thoughts like they’re projected above your head on a wide-screen.
FAKE INTEREST
Look, no one cares about what anyone else has to say. They just don’t. But what you have to do is pretend that you do. Ask about their life, their job, their parents, anything to keep them talking. Because the more fake interest you show in them, the easier it is to disarm them. Guys are used to talking about themselves, as are we all, but if you actually fake an interest, they kind of don’t know what to do. Like puppies trapped in a cage in the window of a pet shop, they are addicted to the interest you show in them. Tap the glass. Watch them lick your fingers.
TAKE CONTROL
You’re at the bar, you’re talking to him, it’s been hours, and still nothing has happened. Do us all a favor: Kiss the idiot. For one thing, he’s not going to not appreciate it. For another, if you don’t do it, someone else will.
There are two ways to take control of a situation like this, whether you’re at a bar or a wedding or an inauguration.
Way #1: Lean forward and say, “You have the cutest lips!”
Way #2: Lean forward and say, “Are you going to kiss me now or WHAT?”
Way #2, obviously, puts the ball in his court and makes him feel in control, even though, really, you’ve just instructed him to kiss you, which is pretty much what you wanted him to do in the first place.
You can always take control by just telling him to do what he probably wanted to do anyway; whether it’s kissing you or getting you a cab home. Tell him what to do. He’ll like it.
SEX IS ALWAYS ON THE MENU
Do you want sex? No, really, do you? Because men do. And that’s pretty much all they want from you until they get to know you and your sense of humor and how you put on your shoes in that cute way that no one else does. And until you realize that sex is not an invitation to boyfriendville, you’re screwed.
He just wants to have sex with you. And you? You want to have sex with him. So do it already. Enjoy it. Tell him what you want. Make him your momentary love slave. And after it’s over?
Make him sleep in the wet spot.
NEVER EXCHANGE ALL YOUR INFORMATION
This is so incredibly important. Give him your name. Give him a fake cell number. In this age of the Internet, anyone can find you if they want to, but, that being said, it doesn’t mean you should hand out your cell phone number to every last guy you happen to sleep with. Tell him what you do for a living, but don’t tell him where you work. Give him your e-mail address, but don’t tell him what you do. Do not divulge all of your personal details. Why?
BECAUSE HE WILL CALL YOU.
And you will not want him to. And you will be all, “Oh. Hi. Yeah. Um....” And he will be all, “Yeah. You. And me. And....” And you will feel like a man for the first time in your life, and you will say, “It was really nice meeting you the other night, but I have to floss my cat three times a day and I’m in charge of the electricity for the Chrysler building and why don’t we just ... hook up later in the year. When I’m willing to?” And he will be all sad and lonely and want to see you again, and you will think, Wait, who IS this guy? And then you will be sorry that you handed out your personal information to a potential stalker.
CALLING IS OPTIONAL
So you’ve had sex. Good for you! Guess what? You never have to talk to each other ever again if you don’t want to. Know why? It's not required to talk after sex. If you had a good time but you don’t want to date him, don’t call him. If you had a good time and you do want to date him ... don’t call him. Know why? Because you just had a one-night stand. And one-night stands, barring unforeseen circumstances, will never wind up in a relationship.
ONE-NIGHT STANDS ARE FUN
Not to go all Samantha on you or anything, but seriously, one-night stands are awesome. No muss no fuss, no strings, possibly good sex, no worry about the following morning or possible dating situations. One-night stands ... they have their merit. Do we all want a sexual partner with whom we can tell our deepest secrets and joys? Sure. Do we all want the occasional bang-up against a chain-link fence behind a bar with no consequences? Hell. Yeah. Never shall the two meet. Unless we’re really lucky.
Want more from Erin Dailey? Check out ErinDailey.com
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Gossip Girls
Marie Claire article 109
Get in on the best gabfest in town: Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, and Ginnifer Goodwin, the stars of He's Just Not That Into You, talk about hookups, breakups, and the importance of girlfriends.
By Judith Newman
Ever want to feel like Sally McDork, president of the Model U.N. club, who's mistakenly been invited to the cheerleaders reunion? Then I'd advise organizing a get-together with Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, and Ginnifer Goodwin at Chateau Marmont in L.A.
"You look so beautiful!" Aniston, 40, says to Goodwin, 30. "I love that dress!" chimes Barrymore, soon to turn 34. The women were together a week earlier at a photo shoot, but they greeted each other like long-lost friends, which apparently they became while shooting their latest project, He's Just Not That Into You. An ensemble piece based on the best-selling advice book, HJNTIY follows the lives of nine men and women as they date, mate, break up, and reconnect. Or don't.
"There is a very simple theme here," says director Ken Kwapis. "If a guy's not calling you, he doesn't want to call you. It sounds like a no-brainer, yet we have a huge capacity to deny the most basic things."
No strangers to romantic highs and lows in real life (painstakingly chronicled in the tabloids), the three actresses kicked caution to the curb and dished about all of it to MC.
Ginnifer Goodwin: I want alcohol.
Jennifer Aniston: [to waiter] Grey Goose on the rocks with lime and olives. [to the girls] Then I remove the olives. Not good for the eyes.
Drew Barrymore: Salt. I know. The days of being able to eat Chinese food and wake up looking okay the next day? Gone.
MC: [to Barrymore] Wait, you're only having a Shirley Temple? That's it?
DB: It's a school night. [Barrymore is directing her first feature, Whip It!, and has been in the editing room all day.] I know there are some good, crazy, psychotic directors who can work and party. I just can't.
JA: I know. There are actors who can do it, too — just be completely high. And you're like, "He was on heroin? I thought that was just a really emotional performance. I never saw somebody cry like that!"
MC: Speaking of crying, I almost wept in empathy when I saw how gullible and open Ginny's character in He's Just Not That Into You was with guys. Are you ever like that in real life?
GG: Oh, my, yes. I was raised in this Southern culture where if a guy was sarcastic, that just meant he didn't know how to show his love — but secretly he cared! I completely bought that. The men I chased and the things I put up with — it was criminal.
DB: Yeah, so many girls are told these fairy tales like, "If he's mean to you, he likes you." All that horseshit, which sets women on the wrong path.
MC: What's the lamest breakup excuse you've ever heard?
DB: Definitely the classic: "It's not you, it's me."
GG: Oh my gosh, I've dished that out, and I've taken it.
JA: You cover all your bases with that one.
DB: I hate getting "It's not you, it's me," because I'm never gonna learn and grow from that. I don't want to live on lies and smoke and mirrors and horseshit. No way.
MC: So you'd really rather have people say something hurtful?
JA: Well, in a way — I mean, before it gets to desperation time. Before it gets to "I throw you and the baby and the bathwater out," let's see if we can work through that.
MC: You know what? I'd rather be lied to.
JA: Oh, I disagree. I want the truth, because it eventually comes out anyway, and then everybody looks like an asshole.
MC: What's the first thing you do after a breakup?
DB: Head straight for the carbs. Macaroni and cheese. Kraft. Deluxe. The kind with the cheese you squeeze out of a bag that takes at least a month to pass through your body.
JA: I don't eat a lot. I go straight to my girlfriends, though.
GG: The first thing I do is call my little sister. She drops everything.
DB: She parachutes in?
GG: Yes! I'll call and say, "I'm breaking up right now, come get me." She absolutely has picked me up from hookups, with coffee in hand. [At press time, Goodwin had just broken up with actor Chris Klein.]
JA: Girlfriends — nothing like 'em, man.
DB: Whether you're throwing up or breaking up, you want your girlfriend right there! I don't trust women who don't go to their girlfriends. [Barrymore split with Justin Long, who stars in HJNTIY, in July, and has been spotted more recently with Forgetting Sarah Marshall's Jason Segel.]
MC: But don't we sometimes want our friends to lie to us?
DB: No! I love when women call me on my shit. Like, "Stop fooling yourself" or "He's not coming back" or "This behavior led to that." I can work from that place. I just can't work from false bullshit fairy tales.
JA: Actors are in the worst position, because you're surrounded by "yes" people. We're all frightened of telling the truth to each other. We're afraid of being seen as demanding. But I think it's sexy — for a woman to say, "Here's the deal: I want this, this, and this. If you can't give it, cool. But that's it."
DB: Don't make a man guess what you want. They're not mind readers.
MC: So will you tell your girlfriends if they've done something dumb?
DB: Oh, my God, yes.
GG: I think I can be a little mean, really. I'll listen if a person needs to unload, but in the end it comes down to, if he wants to call you, he will. End of story.
MC: Do you think it's just not in men's nature to be monogamous?
DB: It's a big question mark. I'm not the swami here; I don't have the answers.
GG: But there are some animals that are monogamous!
JA: Yeah, some owls....
GG: Lobsters.
DB: Adélie penguins.
MC: When you're in the public eye, do you think it's harder to trust?
JA: Trust is a really hard thing to gain — and give — and earn from somebody. I think people get so afraid to be themselves, of not being accepted by the other person, like, "If I tell the truth, that person's gonna run." Trusting is something I work on.
MC: You all have, um, colorful dating pasts. If you weren't celebrities, how would you choose to meet men?
DB: Drunk in a bar. No, wait — kidding!
JA: I'd have to be dragged out to places. Well, like I am now.
MC: No match.com? No Facebook?
JA: No, no, no. The Internet freaks me out.
GG: I think it's the devil. We're pack animals! We're supposed to be connecting face-to-face.
JA: The Internet warps reality. If you're an Internet person, real life will fall short of what you have been privy to online — sexually, emotionally. It's so unreal and gives you this sense of order where there isn't any. You can't drag and paste life!
MC: You don't feel you can get to know someone online?
DB: You think people tell the truth about themselves? Every guy is 6'4" with a huge schlong. That's why people love it so much. Internet does not equal sodium pentothal. [Holds up an old Polaroid camera that she carries with her everywhere] This is not for the person who surfs the Web. I love this thing. I want to meet someone who's into all the old-school stuff. I remember when I first started dating, the big thing was RadioShack answering machines. It was such a huge deal to run home and check your messages. And when you could actually check from another phone? That was, like, the craziest thing ever!
JA: I still have the cassette tapes of messages from my first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, my husband . . . It's like saving love letters.
DB: I don't even have voice mail or answering machines anymore. I hate the phone, and I don't want to call anybody back. If I go to hell, it will be a small closet with a telephone in it, and I will be doomed and destined for eternity to return phone calls. I mean, I come from a hippie mentality where I just think to know someone, you need to look into their eyes. Eyes are so important. Until they start melon-balling eyes out, I won't be able to get to know someone another way.
MC: Has celebrity made it harder for you to have real relationships?
JA: Are you kidding?
GG: You have to have conversations on Date One that people usually have a year in: "Where do you see this going? What are we going to call each other?"
DB: Other people and the newspapers are talking wedding bells, and you're like, "We haven't even slept together." Like, oh my God, "What was your last name again?"
JA: Yeah, and just trying to find out if you want to see them again or maybe introduce them to your parents . . .
GG: And then my parents and friends have all these opinions about anyone I'm going out with, because they're "hearing" that he's not good enough for me. Hearing from who?
JA: I get, like, "What are you doing again with a womanizer?" [Aniston had been on, off, and possibly on again with John "Your Body Is a Wonderland" Mayer.]
GG: I was trying to catch up with this girlfriend from college. And I said, "Hey, I met this really great guy," and she said, "Ginny, I know. I don't live under a rock." Everything has been documented, and she'll already know about his previous relationship problems.
MC: Do you guys ever Google yourselves? [Aniston and Barrymore vigorously shake their heads "no"; Goodwin looks shamefaced]
GG: One night I'd had some beers, and then I Googled myself and spent the night in tears.
DB: [to Goodwin] That's so awesome . . . I can just picture you on the Net, Googling yourself with mascara running down your face. I wish I could have seen that!
MC: What's the best advice you can give young women about love?
JA and DB [in unison]: Set your boundaries!
DB: That's something you don't know in your teens and 20s. Or I didn't know in my teens and 20s, anyway.
JA: 30s, for me.
DB: This is who I am, this is what I want, this is what I don't want . . . boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
JA: This is what I'll tolerate . . .
DB: This is what I'm willing to take and what I'm willing to give. Boundaries are a form of honesty. Just be honest.
JA: Honesty is such a time-saver.
GG: I'd also say don't have just one type. You know, I couldn't get a date in college. All my friends were making out with everybody, and I wanted to make out with somebody! One of my guy friends finally told me the problem. He said, "You are too obvious about what you like and don't like. With you, it's a definite yes or a definite no, and that is scary." So I needed to learn to give more people a chance.
DB: Here's something else I will happily share, something a friend told me that changed my world, though it didn't necessarily change my behavior. And it's this: Men build bridges. If they want to find your phone number or anything else, they will. They will build huge, massive bridges to get to you. Think Golden Gate!
MC: Would you ever want to see a return to certain old-fashioned rules about dating - like, men chase and women are chased?
DB: I don't believe in rules. Life is short. I think you should seize the moment.
GG: Why do only boys get to chase? Nuh-uh! If anything, I think this whole sitting back and waiting thing can be self-sabotaging. We have to send up flares. We have to let guys know we're open for business.
JA: And, oh my God, it's so fun . . .
DB: Goddamn if I don't love the chase. I'm more of a dude than most dudes.
Get in on the best gabfest in town: Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, and Ginnifer Goodwin, the stars of He's Just Not That Into You, talk about hookups, breakups, and the importance of girlfriends.
By Judith Newman
Ever want to feel like Sally McDork, president of the Model U.N. club, who's mistakenly been invited to the cheerleaders reunion? Then I'd advise organizing a get-together with Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, and Ginnifer Goodwin at Chateau Marmont in L.A.
"You look so beautiful!" Aniston, 40, says to Goodwin, 30. "I love that dress!" chimes Barrymore, soon to turn 34. The women were together a week earlier at a photo shoot, but they greeted each other like long-lost friends, which apparently they became while shooting their latest project, He's Just Not That Into You. An ensemble piece based on the best-selling advice book, HJNTIY follows the lives of nine men and women as they date, mate, break up, and reconnect. Or don't.
"There is a very simple theme here," says director Ken Kwapis. "If a guy's not calling you, he doesn't want to call you. It sounds like a no-brainer, yet we have a huge capacity to deny the most basic things."
No strangers to romantic highs and lows in real life (painstakingly chronicled in the tabloids), the three actresses kicked caution to the curb and dished about all of it to MC.
Ginnifer Goodwin: I want alcohol.
Jennifer Aniston: [to waiter] Grey Goose on the rocks with lime and olives. [to the girls] Then I remove the olives. Not good for the eyes.
Drew Barrymore: Salt. I know. The days of being able to eat Chinese food and wake up looking okay the next day? Gone.
MC: [to Barrymore] Wait, you're only having a Shirley Temple? That's it?
DB: It's a school night. [Barrymore is directing her first feature, Whip It!, and has been in the editing room all day.] I know there are some good, crazy, psychotic directors who can work and party. I just can't.
JA: I know. There are actors who can do it, too — just be completely high. And you're like, "He was on heroin? I thought that was just a really emotional performance. I never saw somebody cry like that!"
MC: Speaking of crying, I almost wept in empathy when I saw how gullible and open Ginny's character in He's Just Not That Into You was with guys. Are you ever like that in real life?
GG: Oh, my, yes. I was raised in this Southern culture where if a guy was sarcastic, that just meant he didn't know how to show his love — but secretly he cared! I completely bought that. The men I chased and the things I put up with — it was criminal.
DB: Yeah, so many girls are told these fairy tales like, "If he's mean to you, he likes you." All that horseshit, which sets women on the wrong path.
MC: What's the lamest breakup excuse you've ever heard?
DB: Definitely the classic: "It's not you, it's me."
GG: Oh my gosh, I've dished that out, and I've taken it.
JA: You cover all your bases with that one.
DB: I hate getting "It's not you, it's me," because I'm never gonna learn and grow from that. I don't want to live on lies and smoke and mirrors and horseshit. No way.
MC: So you'd really rather have people say something hurtful?
JA: Well, in a way — I mean, before it gets to desperation time. Before it gets to "I throw you and the baby and the bathwater out," let's see if we can work through that.
MC: You know what? I'd rather be lied to.
JA: Oh, I disagree. I want the truth, because it eventually comes out anyway, and then everybody looks like an asshole.
MC: What's the first thing you do after a breakup?
DB: Head straight for the carbs. Macaroni and cheese. Kraft. Deluxe. The kind with the cheese you squeeze out of a bag that takes at least a month to pass through your body.
JA: I don't eat a lot. I go straight to my girlfriends, though.
GG: The first thing I do is call my little sister. She drops everything.
DB: She parachutes in?
GG: Yes! I'll call and say, "I'm breaking up right now, come get me." She absolutely has picked me up from hookups, with coffee in hand. [At press time, Goodwin had just broken up with actor Chris Klein.]
JA: Girlfriends — nothing like 'em, man.
DB: Whether you're throwing up or breaking up, you want your girlfriend right there! I don't trust women who don't go to their girlfriends. [Barrymore split with Justin Long, who stars in HJNTIY, in July, and has been spotted more recently with Forgetting Sarah Marshall's Jason Segel.]
MC: But don't we sometimes want our friends to lie to us?
DB: No! I love when women call me on my shit. Like, "Stop fooling yourself" or "He's not coming back" or "This behavior led to that." I can work from that place. I just can't work from false bullshit fairy tales.
JA: Actors are in the worst position, because you're surrounded by "yes" people. We're all frightened of telling the truth to each other. We're afraid of being seen as demanding. But I think it's sexy — for a woman to say, "Here's the deal: I want this, this, and this. If you can't give it, cool. But that's it."
DB: Don't make a man guess what you want. They're not mind readers.
MC: So will you tell your girlfriends if they've done something dumb?
DB: Oh, my God, yes.
GG: I think I can be a little mean, really. I'll listen if a person needs to unload, but in the end it comes down to, if he wants to call you, he will. End of story.
MC: Do you think it's just not in men's nature to be monogamous?
DB: It's a big question mark. I'm not the swami here; I don't have the answers.
GG: But there are some animals that are monogamous!
JA: Yeah, some owls....
GG: Lobsters.
DB: Adélie penguins.
MC: When you're in the public eye, do you think it's harder to trust?
JA: Trust is a really hard thing to gain — and give — and earn from somebody. I think people get so afraid to be themselves, of not being accepted by the other person, like, "If I tell the truth, that person's gonna run." Trusting is something I work on.
MC: You all have, um, colorful dating pasts. If you weren't celebrities, how would you choose to meet men?
DB: Drunk in a bar. No, wait — kidding!
JA: I'd have to be dragged out to places. Well, like I am now.
MC: No match.com? No Facebook?
JA: No, no, no. The Internet freaks me out.
GG: I think it's the devil. We're pack animals! We're supposed to be connecting face-to-face.
JA: The Internet warps reality. If you're an Internet person, real life will fall short of what you have been privy to online — sexually, emotionally. It's so unreal and gives you this sense of order where there isn't any. You can't drag and paste life!
MC: You don't feel you can get to know someone online?
DB: You think people tell the truth about themselves? Every guy is 6'4" with a huge schlong. That's why people love it so much. Internet does not equal sodium pentothal. [Holds up an old Polaroid camera that she carries with her everywhere] This is not for the person who surfs the Web. I love this thing. I want to meet someone who's into all the old-school stuff. I remember when I first started dating, the big thing was RadioShack answering machines. It was such a huge deal to run home and check your messages. And when you could actually check from another phone? That was, like, the craziest thing ever!
JA: I still have the cassette tapes of messages from my first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, my husband . . . It's like saving love letters.
DB: I don't even have voice mail or answering machines anymore. I hate the phone, and I don't want to call anybody back. If I go to hell, it will be a small closet with a telephone in it, and I will be doomed and destined for eternity to return phone calls. I mean, I come from a hippie mentality where I just think to know someone, you need to look into their eyes. Eyes are so important. Until they start melon-balling eyes out, I won't be able to get to know someone another way.
MC: Has celebrity made it harder for you to have real relationships?
JA: Are you kidding?
GG: You have to have conversations on Date One that people usually have a year in: "Where do you see this going? What are we going to call each other?"
DB: Other people and the newspapers are talking wedding bells, and you're like, "We haven't even slept together." Like, oh my God, "What was your last name again?"
JA: Yeah, and just trying to find out if you want to see them again or maybe introduce them to your parents . . .
GG: And then my parents and friends have all these opinions about anyone I'm going out with, because they're "hearing" that he's not good enough for me. Hearing from who?
JA: I get, like, "What are you doing again with a womanizer?" [Aniston had been on, off, and possibly on again with John "Your Body Is a Wonderland" Mayer.]
GG: I was trying to catch up with this girlfriend from college. And I said, "Hey, I met this really great guy," and she said, "Ginny, I know. I don't live under a rock." Everything has been documented, and she'll already know about his previous relationship problems.
MC: Do you guys ever Google yourselves? [Aniston and Barrymore vigorously shake their heads "no"; Goodwin looks shamefaced]
GG: One night I'd had some beers, and then I Googled myself and spent the night in tears.
DB: [to Goodwin] That's so awesome . . . I can just picture you on the Net, Googling yourself with mascara running down your face. I wish I could have seen that!
MC: What's the best advice you can give young women about love?
JA and DB [in unison]: Set your boundaries!
DB: That's something you don't know in your teens and 20s. Or I didn't know in my teens and 20s, anyway.
JA: 30s, for me.
DB: This is who I am, this is what I want, this is what I don't want . . . boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
JA: This is what I'll tolerate . . .
DB: This is what I'm willing to take and what I'm willing to give. Boundaries are a form of honesty. Just be honest.
JA: Honesty is such a time-saver.
GG: I'd also say don't have just one type. You know, I couldn't get a date in college. All my friends were making out with everybody, and I wanted to make out with somebody! One of my guy friends finally told me the problem. He said, "You are too obvious about what you like and don't like. With you, it's a definite yes or a definite no, and that is scary." So I needed to learn to give more people a chance.
DB: Here's something else I will happily share, something a friend told me that changed my world, though it didn't necessarily change my behavior. And it's this: Men build bridges. If they want to find your phone number or anything else, they will. They will build huge, massive bridges to get to you. Think Golden Gate!
MC: Would you ever want to see a return to certain old-fashioned rules about dating - like, men chase and women are chased?
DB: I don't believe in rules. Life is short. I think you should seize the moment.
GG: Why do only boys get to chase? Nuh-uh! If anything, I think this whole sitting back and waiting thing can be self-sabotaging. We have to send up flares. We have to let guys know we're open for business.
JA: And, oh my God, it's so fun . . .
DB: Goddamn if I don't love the chase. I'm more of a dude than most dudes.
7 Reasons I'm Just Not That Into You
Marie Claire article 108
The movie is hitting theaters everywhere and the cast is on the cover of Marie Claire, here are my reasons...
By Rich Santos
1. Obvious Celebrity Emulation
When a girl gets the same haircut as her favorite celebrity, and dresses like that celebrity on top of this, it is obvious. "Oh that girl thinks she's Katie Holmes." Suddenly, all of the focus is off of hearing what this girl has to say and on to the fact that she thinks she's a particular celeb. It's also a little psycho to just cop someone else's style and look.
However, if she can take a celebrity's style and spin her own take onto it, it can be really attractive and intriguing. I love those winter jackets girls wear sometimes that look like the ones that Jackie O. wore. Just a little Jackie O. flare is fine-you don't have to try to be her!
2. Lingering After One Night Stands
Don't ever expect to find the love of your life after a one-night stand or random make-out. These events are phenomena where everything seems magical and then suddenly shuts off — much like Cinderella losing her game at midnight. Do not linger in bed hungover. I'm foul when I'm hungover, so I am sure others are too. You can't contaminate someone's bed with that. Do everything you can to get home and fester in your own bed.
3. Rushing Things
Every serious relationship comes to that point where we look at ourselves, our lives, and consider taking that next step into exclusivity and beyond. If I'm not ready to do it then it's not going to work, and I might literally be frightened off if I perceive that you're too serious.
4. Lying
Whether it's cheating or a little lie that you got caught in, it will be hard to regain trust. Trust is something I don't give away easily and once it's gone it's hard to get it back. I'll always be wondering about that lie, and doubt will creep in more and more as my mind fixates on that lie.
5. Being Too Controlling
It's scary but I've seen many relationships where guys forbid girls to hang out with certain friends, or wear certain clothes - and I've seen girls do the same. It's a major problem if someone is controlling me and not allowing me to be who I want to be within a relationship.
6. My Friends or Family Don't Like You
My friends and family know me best. Don't take their thoughts with a grain of salt. It's one thing if a person or two don't get along, but if a lot of them are saying I should reconsider, then I will.
7. Attitude Towards Others
When I go out to dinner with a girl, I keep a close eye on how she treats the waiter. Sometimes I feel as if I'm overly cordial to people: I wish them a nice day and always make sure to say "thanks". It's fun to be out with a girl and watch her make people smile from afar. It makes me feel proud and lucky that I'm with her. It's already an amazing thing when I meet a girl that can brighten my days. But if this girl brightens everyone's days, then I'm even luckier. However, if she doesn't then I'm just not that into her.
The movie is hitting theaters everywhere and the cast is on the cover of Marie Claire, here are my reasons...
By Rich Santos
1. Obvious Celebrity Emulation
When a girl gets the same haircut as her favorite celebrity, and dresses like that celebrity on top of this, it is obvious. "Oh that girl thinks she's Katie Holmes." Suddenly, all of the focus is off of hearing what this girl has to say and on to the fact that she thinks she's a particular celeb. It's also a little psycho to just cop someone else's style and look.
However, if she can take a celebrity's style and spin her own take onto it, it can be really attractive and intriguing. I love those winter jackets girls wear sometimes that look like the ones that Jackie O. wore. Just a little Jackie O. flare is fine-you don't have to try to be her!
2. Lingering After One Night Stands
Don't ever expect to find the love of your life after a one-night stand or random make-out. These events are phenomena where everything seems magical and then suddenly shuts off — much like Cinderella losing her game at midnight. Do not linger in bed hungover. I'm foul when I'm hungover, so I am sure others are too. You can't contaminate someone's bed with that. Do everything you can to get home and fester in your own bed.
3. Rushing Things
Every serious relationship comes to that point where we look at ourselves, our lives, and consider taking that next step into exclusivity and beyond. If I'm not ready to do it then it's not going to work, and I might literally be frightened off if I perceive that you're too serious.
4. Lying
Whether it's cheating or a little lie that you got caught in, it will be hard to regain trust. Trust is something I don't give away easily and once it's gone it's hard to get it back. I'll always be wondering about that lie, and doubt will creep in more and more as my mind fixates on that lie.
5. Being Too Controlling
It's scary but I've seen many relationships where guys forbid girls to hang out with certain friends, or wear certain clothes - and I've seen girls do the same. It's a major problem if someone is controlling me and not allowing me to be who I want to be within a relationship.
6. My Friends or Family Don't Like You
My friends and family know me best. Don't take their thoughts with a grain of salt. It's one thing if a person or two don't get along, but if a lot of them are saying I should reconsider, then I will.
7. Attitude Towards Others
When I go out to dinner with a girl, I keep a close eye on how she treats the waiter. Sometimes I feel as if I'm overly cordial to people: I wish them a nice day and always make sure to say "thanks". It's fun to be out with a girl and watch her make people smile from afar. It makes me feel proud and lucky that I'm with her. It's already an amazing thing when I meet a girl that can brighten my days. But if this girl brightens everyone's days, then I'm even luckier. However, if she doesn't then I'm just not that into her.
5 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship
Marie Claire article 107
By Hannah Geller
1. BODY INSECURITIES
You know you have this problem if...
You cringe and cover up when your partner sees you naked.
Compliments make you nervous and defensive.
Thinking about his positive attributes makes you wonder what he's doing with you.
Why is it a problem?
When we are ashamed of our bodies, we "withdraw sexually" and have trouble "being playful and free," says relationship expert Dr. Alice Pisciotto. Many people resort to substances to deal with their insecurities (for example, drinking in order to have sex), which can ruin a sense of closeness.
How to fix it:
The first step is awareness: realizing, for example, that when he says, "you look beautiful in that dress" and you hear, "go to the gym," it's not because he's being sarcastic, but because you feel ashamed of your body. The second step is to learn to talk about it in an open, honest way. Explain your insecurities to him, why you think you have them, and how they make you feel. Then, pledge to yourself to throw the symptoms of insecurity out the window. Once you stop calling yourself fat, for example, you may stop feeling so fat.
2. BAD TIMING
You know you have this problem if... You bring up sore points — issues you argue about often or recently — at romantic dinners, family functions, or company events. Or, worse yet, you bombard him with accusations the second you're alone.
Why is it a problem?
"This really drives guys crazy," says Pisciotto. Everyone knows that communication is important to a good relationship, but knowing when and where to communicate can be just as important. Bringing up a problem at an inappropriate time or place will almost never solve it, and will become a problem in its own right. And he'll be reluctant to bring you along to his cousin's wedding if he's worried you'll be shooting him dirty looks all night.
How to fix it:
If you want to talk about a problem, give some forewarning, says Pisciotto. "X is really bothering me. Can we talk about it tonight?" Have a safe, private place where you can talk without feeling uncomfortable. And if you really want to resolve the issues, make sure you are talking in person and never by text message or e-mail.
3. SNAPPING
You know you have this problem if...
Your partner complains you're always blowing up at him — whether he forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning or threw out the manuscript for the novel you've secretly been working on.
Why is it a problem?
You may be using these explosions as a substitute for intimacy, says Pisciotto. "If you say, 'I love you,' who knows how he's going to react?" You may get a grunt, you may get a kiss, you may get some bad news. "But if you scream at him, you know he's going to scream back." Excessive anger may be a sign that you're insecure about his feelings for you. Snapping at him allows you to control his behavior because his response — anger — is predictable. But if he feels like he's always about to step on a land mine, you may be doing the very opposite: driving him away.
How to fix it:
"This is really an issue of self-awareness," says Pisciotto. The next time you feel mad at him, ask yourself if your anger is proportionate to the offense. If not, think about why you feel so furious: Are you mad about something else that you haven't talked about sufficiently? Does his anger reassure you of his feelings (i.e., "if he's screaming at the top of his lungs, he must be passionate about me")? Are you insecure about his feelings because of something he has done, or because of something unrelated that happened to you in the past? Instead of blowing up at him, try to calmly and insightfully tell him why you are feeling so enraged. Use "I" sentences instead of "you" sentences: "I felt angry when you didn't call, because it made me feel like you don't care about me," rather than, "You didn't call me! You don't care about me!"
4. KEEPING SCORE
You know you have this problem if...
You're keeping a tally of the gives and the takes.
You say things like, "Yes, we hung out with my friends tonight but I hung out with his friends for the last five days."
Why is it a problem?
"Keeping score is usually a sign you don't feel understood, that you don't feel heard," explains Pisciotto. You feel that your partner doesn't realize or appreciate the contributions and sacrifices you make for the relationship. "This becomes the 'yes, but' of the relationship," says Dr. Pisciotto. "Yes, you took me out to dinner tonight, but I paid the last six nights. Yes, you initiated sex tonight, but I always initiate. Yes, you care about me, but I care about you more."
How to fix it:
When you catch yourself thinking or saying, "Yes, but..." step back and ask yourself why. Is this an isolated incident: Are you really the one who always does the dishes, and you just want him to help out more with household chores? Or is it part of a bigger problem: Do you feel like you always make more sacrifices for the relationship, and the dishes are just one example of many? Keeping score provides you with ammo to win the argument "Who's the better partner." It's childish behavior that you should do your best to minimize. Be hypervigilant when your thoughts slip into the "Yes, but..." pattern. Remind yourself that although you may give more in this particular area — you always pay for dinner out — he may give more in another, like always buying the groceries.
5. LETTING THE PAST DICTATE THE PRESENT
You know you have this problem if...
You blame your current boyfriend for problems you had in your last relationship: Your ex had an affair with his personal trainer, so you tell your new boyfriend you like the "chubby look" to keep him out of the gym.
Why is it a problem?
It's a basic truth of psychology that "we often repeat problems in order to solve them," says Pisciotto. For example, when you're suspicious that your new boyfriend is going to cheat on you, like your ex did, your subconscious is trying to come to terms with the old problem. The effect will hardly be productive: You're likely to create some new issues with your current boyfriend without solving the issues from your past.
How to fix it:
Take a moment to ask yourself: Are there any issues or arguments you had with a former boyfriend that still bother you? If so, write them down and be on the lookout. The next time you're angry with your current boyfriend for something similar, ask yourself whether or not he deserves it. If not, Pisciotto recommends telling him about your ex and asking him about his. But be clear that you're talking about your old flame solely for the purpose of improving your current relationship. Your new guy doesn't want to hear about how your ex just got a promotion, what a great cook he was, or how amazing he was in bed.
By Hannah Geller
1. BODY INSECURITIES
You know you have this problem if...
You cringe and cover up when your partner sees you naked.
Compliments make you nervous and defensive.
Thinking about his positive attributes makes you wonder what he's doing with you.
Why is it a problem?
When we are ashamed of our bodies, we "withdraw sexually" and have trouble "being playful and free," says relationship expert Dr. Alice Pisciotto. Many people resort to substances to deal with their insecurities (for example, drinking in order to have sex), which can ruin a sense of closeness.
How to fix it:
The first step is awareness: realizing, for example, that when he says, "you look beautiful in that dress" and you hear, "go to the gym," it's not because he's being sarcastic, but because you feel ashamed of your body. The second step is to learn to talk about it in an open, honest way. Explain your insecurities to him, why you think you have them, and how they make you feel. Then, pledge to yourself to throw the symptoms of insecurity out the window. Once you stop calling yourself fat, for example, you may stop feeling so fat.
2. BAD TIMING
You know you have this problem if... You bring up sore points — issues you argue about often or recently — at romantic dinners, family functions, or company events. Or, worse yet, you bombard him with accusations the second you're alone.
Why is it a problem?
"This really drives guys crazy," says Pisciotto. Everyone knows that communication is important to a good relationship, but knowing when and where to communicate can be just as important. Bringing up a problem at an inappropriate time or place will almost never solve it, and will become a problem in its own right. And he'll be reluctant to bring you along to his cousin's wedding if he's worried you'll be shooting him dirty looks all night.
How to fix it:
If you want to talk about a problem, give some forewarning, says Pisciotto. "X is really bothering me. Can we talk about it tonight?" Have a safe, private place where you can talk without feeling uncomfortable. And if you really want to resolve the issues, make sure you are talking in person and never by text message or e-mail.
3. SNAPPING
You know you have this problem if...
Your partner complains you're always blowing up at him — whether he forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning or threw out the manuscript for the novel you've secretly been working on.
Why is it a problem?
You may be using these explosions as a substitute for intimacy, says Pisciotto. "If you say, 'I love you,' who knows how he's going to react?" You may get a grunt, you may get a kiss, you may get some bad news. "But if you scream at him, you know he's going to scream back." Excessive anger may be a sign that you're insecure about his feelings for you. Snapping at him allows you to control his behavior because his response — anger — is predictable. But if he feels like he's always about to step on a land mine, you may be doing the very opposite: driving him away.
How to fix it:
"This is really an issue of self-awareness," says Pisciotto. The next time you feel mad at him, ask yourself if your anger is proportionate to the offense. If not, think about why you feel so furious: Are you mad about something else that you haven't talked about sufficiently? Does his anger reassure you of his feelings (i.e., "if he's screaming at the top of his lungs, he must be passionate about me")? Are you insecure about his feelings because of something he has done, or because of something unrelated that happened to you in the past? Instead of blowing up at him, try to calmly and insightfully tell him why you are feeling so enraged. Use "I" sentences instead of "you" sentences: "I felt angry when you didn't call, because it made me feel like you don't care about me," rather than, "You didn't call me! You don't care about me!"
4. KEEPING SCORE
You know you have this problem if...
You're keeping a tally of the gives and the takes.
You say things like, "Yes, we hung out with my friends tonight but I hung out with his friends for the last five days."
Why is it a problem?
"Keeping score is usually a sign you don't feel understood, that you don't feel heard," explains Pisciotto. You feel that your partner doesn't realize or appreciate the contributions and sacrifices you make for the relationship. "This becomes the 'yes, but' of the relationship," says Dr. Pisciotto. "Yes, you took me out to dinner tonight, but I paid the last six nights. Yes, you initiated sex tonight, but I always initiate. Yes, you care about me, but I care about you more."
How to fix it:
When you catch yourself thinking or saying, "Yes, but..." step back and ask yourself why. Is this an isolated incident: Are you really the one who always does the dishes, and you just want him to help out more with household chores? Or is it part of a bigger problem: Do you feel like you always make more sacrifices for the relationship, and the dishes are just one example of many? Keeping score provides you with ammo to win the argument "Who's the better partner." It's childish behavior that you should do your best to minimize. Be hypervigilant when your thoughts slip into the "Yes, but..." pattern. Remind yourself that although you may give more in this particular area — you always pay for dinner out — he may give more in another, like always buying the groceries.
5. LETTING THE PAST DICTATE THE PRESENT
You know you have this problem if...
You blame your current boyfriend for problems you had in your last relationship: Your ex had an affair with his personal trainer, so you tell your new boyfriend you like the "chubby look" to keep him out of the gym.
Why is it a problem?
It's a basic truth of psychology that "we often repeat problems in order to solve them," says Pisciotto. For example, when you're suspicious that your new boyfriend is going to cheat on you, like your ex did, your subconscious is trying to come to terms with the old problem. The effect will hardly be productive: You're likely to create some new issues with your current boyfriend without solving the issues from your past.
How to fix it:
Take a moment to ask yourself: Are there any issues or arguments you had with a former boyfriend that still bother you? If so, write them down and be on the lookout. The next time you're angry with your current boyfriend for something similar, ask yourself whether or not he deserves it. If not, Pisciotto recommends telling him about your ex and asking him about his. But be clear that you're talking about your old flame solely for the purpose of improving your current relationship. Your new guy doesn't want to hear about how your ex just got a promotion, what a great cook he was, or how amazing he was in bed.
11 Ingredients to Cook Up Good Sex
Marie Claire article 106
February 27, 2009 3:09 PM by Rich Santos
Sometimes good sex feels like a really tough recipe to me. Now, I love cooking; any good cook knows he/she is only as good as the ingredients they use. This is why I love the process of buying vegetables and other ingredients. I even love peeling and cutting. It's all part of the process to make a great dish.
And, like a recipe, I think sex is only as good as its ingredients: the people involved, and then the deeper ingredients like connection and chemistry. Here are some ingredients that can help make great sex:
Safe, but threatening
Couples need to feel safe around each other, but sex is fun when it has a bad edge to it. If you can make one another feel "comfortably threatened" it can lead to a steamy experience.
Spontaneity
Spontaneity is a common thread for success in all areas of romance, and sex is no different. Sex, just like anything else, can become routine and mundane. How often do we just grab each other and go at it?
Attraction
I'm not one of those lucky guys that has sex with girls who aren't attracted to me. Some of my friends admit that they've had sex with people they were not attracted to. How do these guys pull this off? I need to learn this secret. Nevertheless, none of my friends are ever thrilled about it, so the sex wasn't that great.
The Intangible Spark
What is it about that certain someone that gets our blood rushing, and makes us hot? Life would be boring if we could answer this question.
Emotional Connection
People can enjoy sex with a limited emotional connection, but most of us need to have a deep emotional connection to have good sex. For me, unless I am really into a girl, sex is kind of ho-hum, and I'm left wondering why I even did it. Good sex is more than just orgasms and touching-it needs to stimulate the mind and spirit.
Personal Mood
When I'm in my sports, Wikipedia, music mood, I'm not really in the state of mind for sex. If I'm stressed or depressed, I may not be able to get in the mood. And, I'm never sure when a girl is in the mood. Even if she's in my bed, I still wonder if she just wants to talk.
Mutual Selflessness
I madeout with a girl once and her friend later approached me, telling me that her friend really enjoyed it. Her friend asked me what I did, and I said: "I don't know, I just was very concerned with making sure she enjoyed it." If two people concentrate on making the other person feel amazing, then they both benefit and the sex could be great.
Confidence (even if you have to fake it)
I know if a girl seems unsure of herself in bed, it gets distracting and starts to feel awkward. I'm sure women feel the same way if us guys act unconfident. The best thing to do is to act like you have some experience, not questioning anything (despite this I'm always questioning: "what did that noise mean," "did I do something wrong," "does she think I'm fat?") I think back to the advice my dad once gave my sisters and I when he snuck us onto the "premium members only" tennis courts at this fancy resort at the beach. While we played, security goons watched closely and my dad could tell that we were nervous:
"Just act like you are supposed to be here and they won't ask any questions."
Sure enough, it worked. I'll try to apply this advice without thinking of security goons or tennis courts.
Common Interests
You both should be equally willing to try things. How awkward is it if someone busts out the chocolate syrup and gimp ball/mask if one of you is not into it? On the other hand, an adventurous partner can show a "shyer" partner some new things. You both just have to have that willingness to be open minded.
Sense of Humor
Sometimes when I'm making out with a girl and she makes a weird sound, or if we make a clumsy move together, it sticks in my mind and I want to laugh so bad. But often, I'm so worried about looking stupid, I just hold in my laughter even though I'm dying to crack up. If you can laugh together, make fun of your mistakes, it will take the pressure off and it will become more enjoyable.
Love
We all know it's better when we're in love.
Aside from love, what do you think the most important ingredients are? What would you add to this list? Do you disagree with any of the ingredients?
February 27, 2009 3:09 PM by Rich Santos
Sometimes good sex feels like a really tough recipe to me. Now, I love cooking; any good cook knows he/she is only as good as the ingredients they use. This is why I love the process of buying vegetables and other ingredients. I even love peeling and cutting. It's all part of the process to make a great dish.
And, like a recipe, I think sex is only as good as its ingredients: the people involved, and then the deeper ingredients like connection and chemistry. Here are some ingredients that can help make great sex:
Safe, but threatening
Couples need to feel safe around each other, but sex is fun when it has a bad edge to it. If you can make one another feel "comfortably threatened" it can lead to a steamy experience.
Spontaneity
Spontaneity is a common thread for success in all areas of romance, and sex is no different. Sex, just like anything else, can become routine and mundane. How often do we just grab each other and go at it?
Attraction
I'm not one of those lucky guys that has sex with girls who aren't attracted to me. Some of my friends admit that they've had sex with people they were not attracted to. How do these guys pull this off? I need to learn this secret. Nevertheless, none of my friends are ever thrilled about it, so the sex wasn't that great.
The Intangible Spark
What is it about that certain someone that gets our blood rushing, and makes us hot? Life would be boring if we could answer this question.
Emotional Connection
People can enjoy sex with a limited emotional connection, but most of us need to have a deep emotional connection to have good sex. For me, unless I am really into a girl, sex is kind of ho-hum, and I'm left wondering why I even did it. Good sex is more than just orgasms and touching-it needs to stimulate the mind and spirit.
Personal Mood
When I'm in my sports, Wikipedia, music mood, I'm not really in the state of mind for sex. If I'm stressed or depressed, I may not be able to get in the mood. And, I'm never sure when a girl is in the mood. Even if she's in my bed, I still wonder if she just wants to talk.
Mutual Selflessness
I madeout with a girl once and her friend later approached me, telling me that her friend really enjoyed it. Her friend asked me what I did, and I said: "I don't know, I just was very concerned with making sure she enjoyed it." If two people concentrate on making the other person feel amazing, then they both benefit and the sex could be great.
Confidence (even if you have to fake it)
I know if a girl seems unsure of herself in bed, it gets distracting and starts to feel awkward. I'm sure women feel the same way if us guys act unconfident. The best thing to do is to act like you have some experience, not questioning anything (despite this I'm always questioning: "what did that noise mean," "did I do something wrong," "does she think I'm fat?") I think back to the advice my dad once gave my sisters and I when he snuck us onto the "premium members only" tennis courts at this fancy resort at the beach. While we played, security goons watched closely and my dad could tell that we were nervous:
"Just act like you are supposed to be here and they won't ask any questions."
Sure enough, it worked. I'll try to apply this advice without thinking of security goons or tennis courts.
Common Interests
You both should be equally willing to try things. How awkward is it if someone busts out the chocolate syrup and gimp ball/mask if one of you is not into it? On the other hand, an adventurous partner can show a "shyer" partner some new things. You both just have to have that willingness to be open minded.
Sense of Humor
Sometimes when I'm making out with a girl and she makes a weird sound, or if we make a clumsy move together, it sticks in my mind and I want to laugh so bad. But often, I'm so worried about looking stupid, I just hold in my laughter even though I'm dying to crack up. If you can laugh together, make fun of your mistakes, it will take the pressure off and it will become more enjoyable.
Love
We all know it's better when we're in love.
Aside from love, what do you think the most important ingredients are? What would you add to this list? Do you disagree with any of the ingredients?
3 Ways To Say "I Love You"
Marie Claire article 105
February 14, 2009 3:21 AM by Rich Santos
The great flexibility in language allows us to say things in so many different ways. So, in honor of Valentine's Day, here are a few nice ways to say "I love you":
Create It
All great artists create from inspiration. So, when an artist falls in love, it stands to reason that he or she may create things in honor of that love.
If you have an artistic talent, you can create an original way to say "I Love You": write a song, paint a painting, write a poem. Don't overdo it. Like all surprises, it is more impactful to come out of the blue with it. Creating something doesn't just show someone you love them on actual Valentine's Day. The creative process takes time, and commitment. Cooking dinner for someone can even be a creative endeavor. Don't be intimidated if you're not a "skilled" artist. Your loved one may appreciate it even more if you give it a shot creating something outside your realm of expertise. It's an adventure for both of you. People know that it takes your own blood, sweat, and tears (unless it's like the gifts I used to "make" for my mom when I had no money) to create something.
Show It
Ok, I'll admit that I need to improve my listening skills. I can be looking right at your face while you're talking but it's literally going in one ear and out the other. I've observed this conflict in a lot of relationships-guys don't listen. But what if a guy is secretly listening during all of those shopping outings you take together, or all those times that you mention: "you know I really love this," or "it would be nice to have that?" If he dutifully makes a mental note, saves up and buys the perfect gift that you mentioned three months before, out of the blue, it shows he remembered what you said. Hey, maybe he is listening after all...well once in a while.
Making little sacrifices also shows that you love someone. Perhaps your significant other likes a particular movie genre or music that you're not into. Don't make yourself miserable by attending these events all the time. But some time you could take the initiative to invite them/pay for tickets to something they love that you are not "required" to attend regularly. When I meet the right girl, her company will count more than the venue or event. So, I suppose, I could go see Britney Spears with her and be happy...maybe.
Write It
Letter writing is so underrated. In this world of instant messenger, email, cell phones, texting, it's become a lost art. We've forgotten the power of hand-written letters through time: they get people out of prison, they declare wars, they negotiate peace, Jack the Ripper taunted the police with them, they act as timelines for people who have long since passed. It doesn't have to be that dramatic when you write a letter, but it will have a huge impact. I mean, who writes letters anymore? If you can remember how to write with a pen, you should definitely try this. It takes time, and a lot more effort to actually hand-write a letter. Remember, also, that letters can be packed in envelopes, so they are like little gifts. I once wrote a letter to a girlfriend who I saw every day, but I snail-mailed it. She was so touched because it surprisingly showed up in her mailbox-so you can even change up your delivery methods to add effect. A hand-written letter is much nicer to cherish than an email or a text message-these pieces of data must be deleted to save space for future messages. A hand-written letter is classic and time-tested-it's a little landmark that says "I love You". But remember, hand-written words can be immortal: while an immortal "I Love You" is a great thing, it is racked with bitterness if things some day turn sour between you.
"I Love You" takes only a second to say, but a long time to do. If you work hard to say it once in a while it goes a long way, and it's a great way to include a part of you in the message. Having a little surprise element is great too because someone may know you love them, but they don't expect you to show it in a particular way.
What's the best way anyone ever said "I Love You" to you? Do you have other ways to say "I love you," and what's the best way you said "I Love You" to someone? Would it have a big impact if someone did any of the above things for you?
February 14, 2009 3:21 AM by Rich Santos
The great flexibility in language allows us to say things in so many different ways. So, in honor of Valentine's Day, here are a few nice ways to say "I love you":
Create It
All great artists create from inspiration. So, when an artist falls in love, it stands to reason that he or she may create things in honor of that love.
If you have an artistic talent, you can create an original way to say "I Love You": write a song, paint a painting, write a poem. Don't overdo it. Like all surprises, it is more impactful to come out of the blue with it. Creating something doesn't just show someone you love them on actual Valentine's Day. The creative process takes time, and commitment. Cooking dinner for someone can even be a creative endeavor. Don't be intimidated if you're not a "skilled" artist. Your loved one may appreciate it even more if you give it a shot creating something outside your realm of expertise. It's an adventure for both of you. People know that it takes your own blood, sweat, and tears (unless it's like the gifts I used to "make" for my mom when I had no money) to create something.
Show It
Ok, I'll admit that I need to improve my listening skills. I can be looking right at your face while you're talking but it's literally going in one ear and out the other. I've observed this conflict in a lot of relationships-guys don't listen. But what if a guy is secretly listening during all of those shopping outings you take together, or all those times that you mention: "you know I really love this," or "it would be nice to have that?" If he dutifully makes a mental note, saves up and buys the perfect gift that you mentioned three months before, out of the blue, it shows he remembered what you said. Hey, maybe he is listening after all...well once in a while.
Making little sacrifices also shows that you love someone. Perhaps your significant other likes a particular movie genre or music that you're not into. Don't make yourself miserable by attending these events all the time. But some time you could take the initiative to invite them/pay for tickets to something they love that you are not "required" to attend regularly. When I meet the right girl, her company will count more than the venue or event. So, I suppose, I could go see Britney Spears with her and be happy...maybe.
Write It
Letter writing is so underrated. In this world of instant messenger, email, cell phones, texting, it's become a lost art. We've forgotten the power of hand-written letters through time: they get people out of prison, they declare wars, they negotiate peace, Jack the Ripper taunted the police with them, they act as timelines for people who have long since passed. It doesn't have to be that dramatic when you write a letter, but it will have a huge impact. I mean, who writes letters anymore? If you can remember how to write with a pen, you should definitely try this. It takes time, and a lot more effort to actually hand-write a letter. Remember, also, that letters can be packed in envelopes, so they are like little gifts. I once wrote a letter to a girlfriend who I saw every day, but I snail-mailed it. She was so touched because it surprisingly showed up in her mailbox-so you can even change up your delivery methods to add effect. A hand-written letter is much nicer to cherish than an email or a text message-these pieces of data must be deleted to save space for future messages. A hand-written letter is classic and time-tested-it's a little landmark that says "I love You". But remember, hand-written words can be immortal: while an immortal "I Love You" is a great thing, it is racked with bitterness if things some day turn sour between you.
"I Love You" takes only a second to say, but a long time to do. If you work hard to say it once in a while it goes a long way, and it's a great way to include a part of you in the message. Having a little surprise element is great too because someone may know you love them, but they don't expect you to show it in a particular way.
What's the best way anyone ever said "I Love You" to you? Do you have other ways to say "I love you," and what's the best way you said "I Love You" to someone? Would it have a big impact if someone did any of the above things for you?
Breaking Up Is Easy To Do: 5 Simple Rules
Marie Claire article 104
July 15, 2008 3:08 PM by Rich Santos
A friend of a friend has called his ex-girlfriend six times since she broke up with him. I told my friend to bestow my breaking up advice on him. Whether you want someone back or not, if you follow the rules below, you will maintain your dignity, maybe win the person back, or eventually get over them:
1. Ride Off Into The Sunset
In college I took a class called “American Western Movies”. Give me a break, ok? It was summer session. But this class did teach me something. I learned I wanted to be a cowboy. They are so cool, collect, never play their hand, never look rattled, and they are always confident.
One thing they all did was ride off as the sun set on the horizon after their business was done.
Riding off into the sunset keeps our dignity. When a girl breaks up with me, I will say:
"OK, it was great getting to know you over the past (insert length of time). You take care."
My business is done.
Then, I will figuratively ride off into the sunset. I won’t tell her how much I miss her. I won’t tell her she made a mistake. I won’t call, email or text. I won’t mention her to mutual friends. I’ll be gone from her life.
Suddenly, it will dawn on the girl that she is not getting her money’s worth for this breakup. It is true: people who do the breaking up have an air of power to them. They like being the decision maker, and having the control. But after I walk away like it’s no problem, she’ll start to think:
"Wow, why isn’t he shaken up over this? Did he even care that I broke up with him?"
Or even better, the ever-popular and coveted:
"Did I do the right thing breaking up with him?"
That’s when you know you’re in business.
2. Apply the Wizard of Oz Effect
Of course, most likely, we are in total pain and anguish after a break up. But, we can’t let that show. Remember:
"Pay no mind to that man behind the curtain?"
We can, behind the curtain, cry, complain, bitch, yell, be angry, and hurt. But, we must craft the appearance on the outside of being fine with everything. We need to look happy on the outside to the other person 100% of the time we see them post-breakup.
This also gives the illusion that you might be seeing someone else, or that you’ve got other things going on. Of course you’re miserable and there’s NOTHING going on in your life, but they don’t have to know it!
3. Enact the Verb in “Breaking Up”
Get rid of all evidence of them. Put it all in a closet, under your bed, or anywhere. I’m a sucker for a strand of hair or her shampoo smell left on a pillow after a girl is over. If broken up with, this must go: wash the sheets! Remember in breaking up, think of it like a guillotine—make it fast:
On a guillotine, you’d rather have a sharp blade slice your head right off than a blunt blade repeatedly cut and cut until finally your head finally fell off.
If it’s a break up they want, make it clean for them. It will look good, and it will be easier on you. Flush them right out of your life immediately, and completely.
4. Don’t Look Back
It’s hard to accomplish this. We know not to look back, just like we know not to look down when someone says don’t look down...but we still look down. But, make it easy on yourself: looking back and saying stuff like:
"Gosh, just two weeks ago, we were out to dinner and she stayed over here and we were so close..."
...will just make it more painful. You can’t look back until it’s time to look back—when you’re truly over it.
5. Remember You’ll Get Over It
The best thing about breaking up is those following mornings you wake up after you’ve truly gotten over someone. You’re renewed, alive, and ready to see what the world has to offer. Keep pushing through for this feeling, remember all those people you thought you’d never get over (you know you ended up getting over them), and as Jim Morrison once crooned: "break on through to the other side!"
Well I don’t know about you, but after going through all that, I’m inspired to get dumped!
So, do you agree with these rules? Do you have any nightmare breakup stories? If a guy you dumped followed these rules, would you start reconsidering? Would you be annoyed if you dumped a guy and he didn’t get upset?
July 15, 2008 3:08 PM by Rich Santos
A friend of a friend has called his ex-girlfriend six times since she broke up with him. I told my friend to bestow my breaking up advice on him. Whether you want someone back or not, if you follow the rules below, you will maintain your dignity, maybe win the person back, or eventually get over them:
1. Ride Off Into The Sunset
In college I took a class called “American Western Movies”. Give me a break, ok? It was summer session. But this class did teach me something. I learned I wanted to be a cowboy. They are so cool, collect, never play their hand, never look rattled, and they are always confident.
One thing they all did was ride off as the sun set on the horizon after their business was done.
Riding off into the sunset keeps our dignity. When a girl breaks up with me, I will say:
"OK, it was great getting to know you over the past (insert length of time). You take care."
My business is done.
Then, I will figuratively ride off into the sunset. I won’t tell her how much I miss her. I won’t tell her she made a mistake. I won’t call, email or text. I won’t mention her to mutual friends. I’ll be gone from her life.
Suddenly, it will dawn on the girl that she is not getting her money’s worth for this breakup. It is true: people who do the breaking up have an air of power to them. They like being the decision maker, and having the control. But after I walk away like it’s no problem, she’ll start to think:
"Wow, why isn’t he shaken up over this? Did he even care that I broke up with him?"
Or even better, the ever-popular and coveted:
"Did I do the right thing breaking up with him?"
That’s when you know you’re in business.
2. Apply the Wizard of Oz Effect
Of course, most likely, we are in total pain and anguish after a break up. But, we can’t let that show. Remember:
"Pay no mind to that man behind the curtain?"
We can, behind the curtain, cry, complain, bitch, yell, be angry, and hurt. But, we must craft the appearance on the outside of being fine with everything. We need to look happy on the outside to the other person 100% of the time we see them post-breakup.
This also gives the illusion that you might be seeing someone else, or that you’ve got other things going on. Of course you’re miserable and there’s NOTHING going on in your life, but they don’t have to know it!
3. Enact the Verb in “Breaking Up”
Get rid of all evidence of them. Put it all in a closet, under your bed, or anywhere. I’m a sucker for a strand of hair or her shampoo smell left on a pillow after a girl is over. If broken up with, this must go: wash the sheets! Remember in breaking up, think of it like a guillotine—make it fast:
On a guillotine, you’d rather have a sharp blade slice your head right off than a blunt blade repeatedly cut and cut until finally your head finally fell off.
If it’s a break up they want, make it clean for them. It will look good, and it will be easier on you. Flush them right out of your life immediately, and completely.
4. Don’t Look Back
It’s hard to accomplish this. We know not to look back, just like we know not to look down when someone says don’t look down...but we still look down. But, make it easy on yourself: looking back and saying stuff like:
"Gosh, just two weeks ago, we were out to dinner and she stayed over here and we were so close..."
...will just make it more painful. You can’t look back until it’s time to look back—when you’re truly over it.
5. Remember You’ll Get Over It
The best thing about breaking up is those following mornings you wake up after you’ve truly gotten over someone. You’re renewed, alive, and ready to see what the world has to offer. Keep pushing through for this feeling, remember all those people you thought you’d never get over (you know you ended up getting over them), and as Jim Morrison once crooned: "break on through to the other side!"
Well I don’t know about you, but after going through all that, I’m inspired to get dumped!
So, do you agree with these rules? Do you have any nightmare breakup stories? If a guy you dumped followed these rules, would you start reconsidering? Would you be annoyed if you dumped a guy and he didn’t get upset?
How You Can Seduce Anyone
Marie Claire article 103
By Bai Ling
How do you get a guy to fall in love (or into bed) with you?
Chinese-born actor Bai Ling, who most recently sexed up the small screen on Entourage, shares her best come-hither secrets - no booty shaking required.
1. DO THE SLOW REVEAL.
Seduction is an art. American men will ask you right away: "What do you do for a living? Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend?" They're very blunt. That's too easy. That's boring. They should take the time to see who you are. And you should slowly reveal who you really are.
2. FLAUNT YOUR ASSETS.
If you love a part of your body, show it off. I like to wear short skirts, and I like to show my stomach--that works for me. Wear a favorite color. Wear a perfume that heightens your sexual senses. And don't wear too much jewelry; it's distracting. Most important, don't get caught up wondering, Oh, will he like this on me? He's not the driver, you are! If you're confident, he'll feel it.
3. DON'T HIDE YOUR APPREHENSION.
Having anxiety during a date isn't a bad thing. It shows your vulnerability. Intelligent guys like that. If you're nervous, there's a vibe there that can be kind of lovely, so don't try to cover it up. Don't think so much. That's when you start to get lost.
4. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR UPPER BODY.
On most dates, you're sitting down with a man, so seduce him with your upper body, your breasts, your shoulders. Also, smile! When you smile naturally, it makes you more attractive to others.
5. AVOID PLAYING GAMES.
Playing hard-to-get is not being your self. It's always best to be honest and show your heart. A lot of people play games, like when they say, "Oh, I'm going to be late. I've got another date" [to make you jealous]. That just doesn't work.
6. BE GENEROUS WITH THE COMPLIMENTS.
I think it's good to compliment a guy on anything you feel is really outstanding, because compliments generate a very positive environment. Besides, being appreciative is a very attractive trait in a person.
7. REPEAT AFTER ME: "I AM BEAUTIFUL."
We are all, in our own ways, truly beautiful. If you love, respect, and accept your true self, your soul mate will find you. It's not about trying to look more beautiful. If you're trying too hard and feeling insecure, you'll lose yourself and your soul mate.
As told to Adena Halpern
By Bai Ling
How do you get a guy to fall in love (or into bed) with you?
Chinese-born actor Bai Ling, who most recently sexed up the small screen on Entourage, shares her best come-hither secrets - no booty shaking required.
1. DO THE SLOW REVEAL.
Seduction is an art. American men will ask you right away: "What do you do for a living? Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend?" They're very blunt. That's too easy. That's boring. They should take the time to see who you are. And you should slowly reveal who you really are.
2. FLAUNT YOUR ASSETS.
If you love a part of your body, show it off. I like to wear short skirts, and I like to show my stomach--that works for me. Wear a favorite color. Wear a perfume that heightens your sexual senses. And don't wear too much jewelry; it's distracting. Most important, don't get caught up wondering, Oh, will he like this on me? He's not the driver, you are! If you're confident, he'll feel it.
3. DON'T HIDE YOUR APPREHENSION.
Having anxiety during a date isn't a bad thing. It shows your vulnerability. Intelligent guys like that. If you're nervous, there's a vibe there that can be kind of lovely, so don't try to cover it up. Don't think so much. That's when you start to get lost.
4. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR UPPER BODY.
On most dates, you're sitting down with a man, so seduce him with your upper body, your breasts, your shoulders. Also, smile! When you smile naturally, it makes you more attractive to others.
5. AVOID PLAYING GAMES.
Playing hard-to-get is not being your self. It's always best to be honest and show your heart. A lot of people play games, like when they say, "Oh, I'm going to be late. I've got another date" [to make you jealous]. That just doesn't work.
6. BE GENEROUS WITH THE COMPLIMENTS.
I think it's good to compliment a guy on anything you feel is really outstanding, because compliments generate a very positive environment. Besides, being appreciative is a very attractive trait in a person.
7. REPEAT AFTER ME: "I AM BEAUTIFUL."
We are all, in our own ways, truly beautiful. If you love, respect, and accept your true self, your soul mate will find you. It's not about trying to look more beautiful. If you're trying too hard and feeling insecure, you'll lose yourself and your soul mate.
As told to Adena Halpern
Nine Signs He's Cheating
Marie Claire article 102
November 14, 2008 3:47 PM by Rich Santos
When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear to be paranoid. You have to walk a fine line — you don't want to make false accusations.
So, while I'm sharing this list of cheating red flags, I concede that it's a tricky situation. It's hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but protect yourself: Be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive your lover away.
Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:
Less Sex
Unless he's Superman, he can only have so much sex. So, if he's getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it's another woman or a porn addiction — even if he's not cheating — a decrease in sex signals serious issues in the relationship.
Jumpy Cell Phone Habits
In a perfect world, we'd be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don't have to worry about who is texting or calling them. But, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, it may be cause for alarm.
Gushing or Talking About Someone Suddenly
You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about him. One of my exes began talking about a guy a lot near the end of our relationship — he just always seemed to be at her social gatherings that I didn't happen to attend. Sure enough, after she dumped me, she began dating him.
Disconnect
Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you're sensing that he's drawing away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnect should be investigated regardless of whether it's caused by cheating. There's a problem if he's not laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It's hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it's being given to someone else.
He's Pulling Houdinis
If he's disappearing, traveling, or unavailable to the point where you are starting to wonder, then he could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it's tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret.
Friends Acting Strange
His friends will certainly remain loyal to him in most cases. They will not let you know what's going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behavior may change slightly when they are around you while protecting his secret.
Caught in Other Lies About Other Things
If you catch him in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don't hold a grudge — forgiveness is a good thing. You can forgive, but don't forget. If he consistently breaches your trust, it's establishing a pattern of behavior that leads to cheating. Do yourself a favor: If he keeps lying, whether these lies are big or small, get out while you can and don't let him talk his way back in.
Been There, Done That
I always say: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." If he's done it before, he's definitely capable of doing it again. It has nothing to do with you, which is why you can't say that he cheated on his previous lover because she didn't keep him happy. Cheating is a self-serving act in which the cheater doesn't take his significant other into consideration. If someone is upfront with you that he's made mistakes in the past, maybe give them a chance — but make it a long probationary period before you let your guard down.
Your Gut Tells You So
Don't ignore your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn't feel right. Whether there are red flags in your relationship that are clueing you in or not, if something feels off, don't ignore this feeling. Usually that feeling is right, and something intangible may have led to you figuring it all out.
Do you have any red flags that you'd add to this list? Would you say that you're generally good at figuring cheaters out, or do you seem to find yourself getting cheated on often? What sorts of behaviors do you think are characteristic of someone who could be a cheater?
November 14, 2008 3:47 PM by Rich Santos
When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating, be careful not to appear to be paranoid. You have to walk a fine line — you don't want to make false accusations.
So, while I'm sharing this list of cheating red flags, I concede that it's a tricky situation. It's hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but protect yourself: Be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive your lover away.
Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:
Less Sex
Unless he's Superman, he can only have so much sex. So, if he's getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it's another woman or a porn addiction — even if he's not cheating — a decrease in sex signals serious issues in the relationship.
Jumpy Cell Phone Habits
In a perfect world, we'd be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don't have to worry about who is texting or calling them. But, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, it may be cause for alarm.
Gushing or Talking About Someone Suddenly
You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about him. One of my exes began talking about a guy a lot near the end of our relationship — he just always seemed to be at her social gatherings that I didn't happen to attend. Sure enough, after she dumped me, she began dating him.
Disconnect
Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you're sensing that he's drawing away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnect should be investigated regardless of whether it's caused by cheating. There's a problem if he's not laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It's hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it's being given to someone else.
He's Pulling Houdinis
If he's disappearing, traveling, or unavailable to the point where you are starting to wonder, then he could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it's tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret.
Friends Acting Strange
His friends will certainly remain loyal to him in most cases. They will not let you know what's going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behavior may change slightly when they are around you while protecting his secret.
Caught in Other Lies About Other Things
If you catch him in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don't hold a grudge — forgiveness is a good thing. You can forgive, but don't forget. If he consistently breaches your trust, it's establishing a pattern of behavior that leads to cheating. Do yourself a favor: If he keeps lying, whether these lies are big or small, get out while you can and don't let him talk his way back in.
Been There, Done That
I always say: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." If he's done it before, he's definitely capable of doing it again. It has nothing to do with you, which is why you can't say that he cheated on his previous lover because she didn't keep him happy. Cheating is a self-serving act in which the cheater doesn't take his significant other into consideration. If someone is upfront with you that he's made mistakes in the past, maybe give them a chance — but make it a long probationary period before you let your guard down.
Your Gut Tells You So
Don't ignore your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn't feel right. Whether there are red flags in your relationship that are clueing you in or not, if something feels off, don't ignore this feeling. Usually that feeling is right, and something intangible may have led to you figuring it all out.
Do you have any red flags that you'd add to this list? Would you say that you're generally good at figuring cheaters out, or do you seem to find yourself getting cheated on often? What sorts of behaviors do you think are characteristic of someone who could be a cheater?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Four Little Things I Notice About Women
Marie Claire article 101
November 7, 2008 4:49 PM by Rich Santos
They say the "devil is in the details," but the other night, my friend and I were scanning the bar and noticing minor things about women. After reflecting on our observations, I put together four small things that guys notice that they don't often point out to women. Here they are:
Hands
I study a girl's hands pretty intensely. Beautiful hands can portray daintiness and strength at the same time. I notice manicures, and complexion. I imagine what it's like to hold them. I'm not much of a hand holder, but pretty hands will turn me into a hand holder. I even watch how a girl grips things. There are definitely different objects and shapes that look amazing in a girl's hands, such as a wine glass. A wine glass has delicate curves that play off a woman's hands. When I notice fingers that are appealing to me, I imagine how those fingertips would feel.
Hair
I've mentioned hair before, so I wouldn't say it's a "little thing". But hair can do simple actions that can evoke powerful emotions. One day I ran into my friend on the way to work-the friend that wore high heels to the soccer game. One thing's for sure: this girl really knows how to take care of and do her hair. We were just talking and walking when a gust of wind blew right down the street and ran through her hair. The indescribable motion that took place in her hair was beautiful. I even noticed that a random guy we passed turned his head and looked. I didn't realize until the day was over, but seeing that gust of wind go through my friend's hair put me in a good mood the rest of the day. So, while hair is a big deal, little random moments can create big, great things.
Attitude Towards Others
When I go out to dinner with a girl, I keep a close eye on how she treats a waiter or hostess. Does she say "thanks," and generally act polite and respectful? Sometimes I feel as if I'm overly cordial to people: I wish them a nice day and always make sure to say "thanks". But, what makes a woman has to do with more than just how she treats me. A person with a beautiful personality treats everyone nicely and respectfully. It's fun to be out with a girl and watch her make people smile from afar. It makes me feel proud and lucky that I'm with her. It's already an amazing thing when I meet a girl that can brighten my days. But if this girl brightens everyone's days, then I'm even luckier.
What Does She Notice?
It's fun meeting different people because they always bring a new perspective. When I break down music I love for people, they ask how I even care about every last little sound and note that I analyze and point out to them. What little things does a woman notice or point out? If we go to a Broadway show, for example, does she notice something in the background set? Does she notice the couple in front of us that are very much in love? Does she notice that the usher hates us because we are whispering and showed up just as the lights were going down? Sure, we share big thoughts and ideas with one another, but sometimes you can learn a lot about a person just by the details they notice in life and moments. It is a fun adventure going out with someone who can laugh at and notice little things, and who always brings new insights to different situations.
Once I realized that I was noticing little things, I came to the conclusion that little simple moments are just part of overall beauty. Beauty can be defined in a collection of moments, or memories more often than it can be defined by someone's appearance.
Seeing a girl across the room, holding a wine glass with pretty hands and making people smile, or a moment in the morning where the wind runs through a girl's hair, or a girl I'm noticing someone walking by in a Members Only jacket, are simple moments that should never be taken for granted.
What is a little thing (appearance, moment or personality) that you notice in a guy that is a simple, beautiful thing?
November 7, 2008 4:49 PM by Rich Santos
They say the "devil is in the details," but the other night, my friend and I were scanning the bar and noticing minor things about women. After reflecting on our observations, I put together four small things that guys notice that they don't often point out to women. Here they are:
Hands
I study a girl's hands pretty intensely. Beautiful hands can portray daintiness and strength at the same time. I notice manicures, and complexion. I imagine what it's like to hold them. I'm not much of a hand holder, but pretty hands will turn me into a hand holder. I even watch how a girl grips things. There are definitely different objects and shapes that look amazing in a girl's hands, such as a wine glass. A wine glass has delicate curves that play off a woman's hands. When I notice fingers that are appealing to me, I imagine how those fingertips would feel.
Hair
I've mentioned hair before, so I wouldn't say it's a "little thing". But hair can do simple actions that can evoke powerful emotions. One day I ran into my friend on the way to work-the friend that wore high heels to the soccer game. One thing's for sure: this girl really knows how to take care of and do her hair. We were just talking and walking when a gust of wind blew right down the street and ran through her hair. The indescribable motion that took place in her hair was beautiful. I even noticed that a random guy we passed turned his head and looked. I didn't realize until the day was over, but seeing that gust of wind go through my friend's hair put me in a good mood the rest of the day. So, while hair is a big deal, little random moments can create big, great things.
Attitude Towards Others
When I go out to dinner with a girl, I keep a close eye on how she treats a waiter or hostess. Does she say "thanks," and generally act polite and respectful? Sometimes I feel as if I'm overly cordial to people: I wish them a nice day and always make sure to say "thanks". But, what makes a woman has to do with more than just how she treats me. A person with a beautiful personality treats everyone nicely and respectfully. It's fun to be out with a girl and watch her make people smile from afar. It makes me feel proud and lucky that I'm with her. It's already an amazing thing when I meet a girl that can brighten my days. But if this girl brightens everyone's days, then I'm even luckier.
What Does She Notice?
It's fun meeting different people because they always bring a new perspective. When I break down music I love for people, they ask how I even care about every last little sound and note that I analyze and point out to them. What little things does a woman notice or point out? If we go to a Broadway show, for example, does she notice something in the background set? Does she notice the couple in front of us that are very much in love? Does she notice that the usher hates us because we are whispering and showed up just as the lights were going down? Sure, we share big thoughts and ideas with one another, but sometimes you can learn a lot about a person just by the details they notice in life and moments. It is a fun adventure going out with someone who can laugh at and notice little things, and who always brings new insights to different situations.
Once I realized that I was noticing little things, I came to the conclusion that little simple moments are just part of overall beauty. Beauty can be defined in a collection of moments, or memories more often than it can be defined by someone's appearance.
Seeing a girl across the room, holding a wine glass with pretty hands and making people smile, or a moment in the morning where the wind runs through a girl's hair, or a girl I'm noticing someone walking by in a Members Only jacket, are simple moments that should never be taken for granted.
What is a little thing (appearance, moment or personality) that you notice in a guy that is a simple, beautiful thing?
5 Reasons He Might Cheat
Yahoo article 107
by David Zinczenko, on Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:18pm PDT
When a high-profile man is caught with someone other than his wife, it's enough to get the collective voice of women asking a whole bunch of why questions.
Why do men cheat? Why can't they control themselves? Why do they have to pay for it? The answer may seem simple at first (if he's not being satisfied at home, he'll roam the neighborhood). But the reasons are a little more nuanced than that.
Some guys are simply serial cheaters - think about the trail of rumors that followed Bill Clinton into the White House. But other guys seem like upstanding citizens until wham, bam, thank you ma'am, they show exactly how low they're willing to go. What is it, then, that triggers a normally faithful man to cross the line from being committed to breaking trust, from home cooking to ordering out?
1. Power (or Cash)
It's not to say that entry-level men who make minimum salaries don't cheat, but it's also pretty clear that powerful men with the means to withdraw hefty sums of cash (for hotels, gifts, prostitutes) are often candidates. It's not just because they have more options; it's also because they think their invincibility in the office will also extend to their private lives, which they assume will remain private no matter how high-profile they may be. Arrogance is a form of blindness, after all.
2. A Sudden Change in Status
Maybe your guy isn't a celebrity, but has he gone from middle management to senior exec lately? Simply making the leap from corporal to captain can put a guy in a difficult spot - he's suddenly separated from his office crew, facing challenges at work that you may not relate to, and looking for someone to tell his woes to - even if it costs $1,300 to get her to keep quiet and leave after he's seemingly unburdened himself.
3. The Family Circus
I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's fair, but some men can feel like they're last in the family pecking order once the gaggle of children dominates schedules, time, and his wife's attention. That doesn't mean that kids drive their fathers to cheat, nor does it mean that families are to blame. It just means that the situation can make some men more vulnerable to be influenced by...
4. An Unexpected Ego Stroke
A note from an ex, a compliment from a co-worker, a good rapport with a server at his favorite bar. If the affection in his primary relationship dwindles as time goes on, a guy's hormones can skyrocket when he feels the charge of a new woman showing some attention. Most times, innocent bantering is just that, but coupled with other triggers, the chemical reaction is a dangerous one.
5. Cyber 'Safety'
Plain and simple: The Internet has made it easier for men to feel safer-in everything from looking for dates and mates to sending innuendo-laced IMs to the hot coworker on the third floor.
The apparent safety of flirting in his own keyboard can build an unhealthy feeling that everything he's doing is OK, making it more likely he can slip into making some very stupid choices. An addictive personality only compounds the problem.
by David Zinczenko, on Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:18pm PDT
When a high-profile man is caught with someone other than his wife, it's enough to get the collective voice of women asking a whole bunch of why questions.
Why do men cheat? Why can't they control themselves? Why do they have to pay for it? The answer may seem simple at first (if he's not being satisfied at home, he'll roam the neighborhood). But the reasons are a little more nuanced than that.
Some guys are simply serial cheaters - think about the trail of rumors that followed Bill Clinton into the White House. But other guys seem like upstanding citizens until wham, bam, thank you ma'am, they show exactly how low they're willing to go. What is it, then, that triggers a normally faithful man to cross the line from being committed to breaking trust, from home cooking to ordering out?
1. Power (or Cash)
It's not to say that entry-level men who make minimum salaries don't cheat, but it's also pretty clear that powerful men with the means to withdraw hefty sums of cash (for hotels, gifts, prostitutes) are often candidates. It's not just because they have more options; it's also because they think their invincibility in the office will also extend to their private lives, which they assume will remain private no matter how high-profile they may be. Arrogance is a form of blindness, after all.
2. A Sudden Change in Status
Maybe your guy isn't a celebrity, but has he gone from middle management to senior exec lately? Simply making the leap from corporal to captain can put a guy in a difficult spot - he's suddenly separated from his office crew, facing challenges at work that you may not relate to, and looking for someone to tell his woes to - even if it costs $1,300 to get her to keep quiet and leave after he's seemingly unburdened himself.
3. The Family Circus
I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's fair, but some men can feel like they're last in the family pecking order once the gaggle of children dominates schedules, time, and his wife's attention. That doesn't mean that kids drive their fathers to cheat, nor does it mean that families are to blame. It just means that the situation can make some men more vulnerable to be influenced by...
4. An Unexpected Ego Stroke
A note from an ex, a compliment from a co-worker, a good rapport with a server at his favorite bar. If the affection in his primary relationship dwindles as time goes on, a guy's hormones can skyrocket when he feels the charge of a new woman showing some attention. Most times, innocent bantering is just that, but coupled with other triggers, the chemical reaction is a dangerous one.
5. Cyber 'Safety'
Plain and simple: The Internet has made it easier for men to feel safer-in everything from looking for dates and mates to sending innuendo-laced IMs to the hot coworker on the third floor.
The apparent safety of flirting in his own keyboard can build an unhealthy feeling that everything he's doing is OK, making it more likely he can slip into making some very stupid choices. An addictive personality only compounds the problem.
237 reasons to have SEX
Yahoo article 106
by djerome1940, on Sat Aug 9, 2008 8:08am PDT
by John M. Grohol, Psy.D
I'm not sure who asked the question to begin with (as though you needed a reason!), but here is the full list of 237 reasons that people said why they have sex:
1. I was ''in the heat of the moment.''
2. It just happened.
3. I was bored.
4. It just seemed like ''the thing to do.''
5. Someone dared me.
6. I desired emotional closeness "(i.e.," intimacy).
7. I wanted to feel closer to God. (huh?! how?!)
8. I wanted to gain acceptance from my friends.
9. It's "exciting," adventurous.
10. I wanted to make up after a fight.
11. I wanted to get rid of aggression.
12. I was under the influence of drugs.
13. I wanted to have something to tell my friends.
14. I wanted to express my love for the person.
15. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
16. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
17. I felt like I owed it to the person.
18. I was attracted to the person.
19. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
20. My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
21. It feels good.
22. My partner kept insisting.
23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.
24. I was physically forced to.
25. I was verbally coerced into it.
26. I wanted the person to love me.
27. I wanted to have a child.
28. I wanted to make someone else jealous.
29. I wanted to have more sex than my friends.
30. I was married and you're supposed to.
31. I was tired of being a virgin (wow, someone's getting tired of being like this pala).
32. I was ''horny.''
33. I wanted to feel loved.
34. I was feeling lonely.
35. Everyone else was having sex.
36. I wanted the attention.
37. It was easier to ''go all the way'' than to stop.
38. I wanted to ensure the relationship was ''committed.''
39. I was competing with someone else to ''get the person.''
40. I wanted to ''gain control'' of the person.
41. I was curious about what the person was like in bed.
42. I was curious about sex.
43. I wanted to feel attractive.
44. I wanted to please my partner.
45. I wanted to display submission.
46. I wanted to release anxiety/stress.
47. I didn't know how to say ''no.''
48. I felt like it was my duty.
49. I wanted to end the relationship.
50 My friends pressured me into it.
51. I wanted the adventure/excitement.
52. I wanted the experience.
53. I felt obligated to.
54. It's fun.
55. I wanted to get even with someone "(i.e.," get revenge).
56. I wanted to be popular.
57. It would get me gifts.
58. I wanted to act out a fantasy.
59. I hadn't had sex for a while.
60. The person was ''available.''
61. I didn't want to ''lose'' the person.
62. I thought it would help ''trap'' a new partner.
63. I wanted to make someone else jealous.
64. I felt sorry for the person.
65. I wanted to feel powerful.
66. I wanted to ''possess'' the person.
67. I wanted to release tension.
68. I wanted to feel good about myself.
69. I was slumming.
70. I felt rebellious.
71. I wanted to intensify my relationship.
72. It seemed like the natural next step.
73. I wanted to be nice.
74. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
75. I wanted to feel young.
76. I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
77. I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex.
78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
79. I wanted the person to feel good about themselves.
80. I didn't want to disappoint the person.
81. I was trying to ''get over'' an earlier person/relationship.
82. I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation.
83. I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions.
84. I felt guilty.
85. My hormones were out of control.
86. It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.
87. It became a habit.
88. I wanted to keep my partner happy.
89. I had no self-control.
90. I wanted to communicate at a deeper level.
91. I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn't have sex with him/her.
92. I was curious about my sexual abilities.
93. I wanted a ''spiritual'' experience.
94. It was just part of the relationship ''routine''.
95. I wanted to lose my inhibitions.
96. I got ''carried away.''
97. I needed another ''notch on my belt.''
98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
99. The opportunity presented itself.
100. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned "(e.g.," on marijuana or some other drug).
101. It's considered ''taboo'' by society.
102. I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced.
103. The person was too ''hot'' (sexy) to resist.
104. I thought it would relax me.
105. I thought it would make me feel healthy.
106. I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
107. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person.
108. I thought it would help me to fall asleep.
109. I could brag to other people about my sexual experience.
110. It would allow me to ''get sex out of my system'' so that I could focus on other things.
111. I wanted to decrease my partner's desire to have sex with someone else.
112. It would damage my reputation if I said ''no.''
113. The person was too physically attractive to resist.
114. I wanted to celebrate something.
115. I was seduced.
116. I wanted to make the person feel better about themselves.
117. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex.
118. I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better.
119. I was mad at my "partner," so I had sex with someone else.
120. I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner.
121. It was expected of me.
122. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
123. I wanted the pure pleasure.
124. I wanted to dominate the other person.
125. I wanted to make a conquest.
126. I'm addicted to sex.
127. It was a favor to someone.
128. I wanted to be used or degraded.
129. Someone offered me money to do it.
130. I was drunk.
131. It seemed like good exercise.
132. I was pressured into doing it.
133. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
134. I was frustrated and needed relief.
135. It was a romantic setting.
136. I felt insecure.
137. My regular partner is "boring," so I had sex with someone else.
138. I was on the ''rebound'' from another relationship.
139. I wanted to boost my self-esteem.
140. I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
141. Because of a bet.
142. It was a special occasion.
143. I wanted to get a special favor from someone.
144. I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me.
145. I wanted to enhance my reputation.
146. I wanted to keep warm.
147. I wanted to punish myself.
148. I wanted to break up a rival's relationship by having sex with his/her partner.
149. I wanted to stop my partners' nagging.
150. I wanted to impress friends.
151. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
152. I wanted to brag to my friends about my conquests.
153. I wanted to improve my sexual skills.
154. I wanted to get a job.
155. I wanted to get a raise.
156. I wanted to get a promotion.
157. I wanted to satisfy a compulsion.
158. I wanted to make money.
159. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.
160. I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
161. I wanted to get out of doing something.
162. I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner.
163. I wanted to get a partner to express love.
164. I wanted to put the passion back into my relationship.
165. I wanted to prevent a breakup.
166. I wanted to become one with another person.
167. I wanted to get a favor from someone.
168. I wanted to breakup my relationship.
169. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease "(e.g.," "herpes," AIDS).
170. I wanted to breakup another's relationship.
171. I wanted to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
172. I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
173. I wanted to get rid of a headache.
174. I was afraid to say ''no'' due to the possibility of physical harm.
175. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
176. I wanted to burn calories.
177. I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner.
178. I wanted to hurt an enemy.
179. I wanted to feel older.
180. I wanted to raise my self-esteem.
181. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
182. I wanted to become more focused on work – sexual thoughts are distracting.
183. I wanted to say ''I've missed you.''
184. I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion.
185. I wanted to say ''I'm sorry.''
186. I wanted to return a favor.
187. I wanted to say ''Thank you.''
188. I wanted to welcome someone home.
189. I wanted to say ''goodbye.''
190. I wanted to defy my parents.
191. I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.
192. I wanted to relieve ''blue balls.''
193. I wanted to get the most out of life.
194. I wanted to feel feminine.
195. I wanted to feel masculine.
196. I am a sex addict.
197. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
198. I thought it would boost my social status.
199. The person had a lot of money.
200. The person's physical appearance turned me on.
201. The person was a good dancer.
202. Someone had told me that this person was good in bed.
203. The person had beautiful eyes.
204. The person made me feel sexy.
205. An erotic movie had turned me on.
206. The person had taken me out for an expensive dinner.
207. The person was a good kisser.
208. The person had bought me jewelry.
209. The person had a great sense of humor.
210. The person seemed self-confident.
211. The person really desired me.
212. The person was really desired by others.
213. I wanted to gain access to that person's friend.
214. I felt jealous.
215. The person flattered me.
216. I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed.
217. The person had a desirable body.
218. I had not had sex in a long time.
219. The person smelled nice.
220. The person had an attractive face.
221. I saw the person naked and could not resist.
222. I was turned on by the sexual conversation.
223. The person was intelligent.
224. The person caressed me.
225. The person wore revealing clothes.
226. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of them.
227. I knew the person was usually ''out of my league.''
228. The person was mysterious.
229. I realized I was in love.
230. I wanted to forget about my problems.
231. I wanted to reproduce.
232. I wanted to feel loved.
233. I wanted my partner to notice me.
234. I wanted to help my partner forget about their problems.
235. I wanted to lift my partner's spirits.
236. I wanted to submit to my partner.
237. I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.
This list comes from a University of Texas study published August 2007 issue of the Archives of Sexual Behavior (Study PDF). It asked 400 students and volunteers why they had sex. Keep in mind, most of the subjects were college-age students (which may certainly influence the top 20 reasons, below).
Last Updated: August 2007
Funny how most statements were repeated and was just stated on a different way. Nevertheless, most if not all, once ran into our minds and slipped out of our tongue in one way or another. Isn't it? I myself was guilty to most of the reasons on this list *wink* Ü
by djerome1940, on Sat Aug 9, 2008 8:08am PDT
by John M. Grohol, Psy.D
I'm not sure who asked the question to begin with (as though you needed a reason!), but here is the full list of 237 reasons that people said why they have sex:
1. I was ''in the heat of the moment.''
2. It just happened.
3. I was bored.
4. It just seemed like ''the thing to do.''
5. Someone dared me.
6. I desired emotional closeness "(i.e.," intimacy).
7. I wanted to feel closer to God. (huh?! how?!)
8. I wanted to gain acceptance from my friends.
9. It's "exciting," adventurous.
10. I wanted to make up after a fight.
11. I wanted to get rid of aggression.
12. I was under the influence of drugs.
13. I wanted to have something to tell my friends.
14. I wanted to express my love for the person.
15. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
16. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
17. I felt like I owed it to the person.
18. I was attracted to the person.
19. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
20. My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
21. It feels good.
22. My partner kept insisting.
23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.
24. I was physically forced to.
25. I was verbally coerced into it.
26. I wanted the person to love me.
27. I wanted to have a child.
28. I wanted to make someone else jealous.
29. I wanted to have more sex than my friends.
30. I was married and you're supposed to.
31. I was tired of being a virgin (wow, someone's getting tired of being like this pala).
32. I was ''horny.''
33. I wanted to feel loved.
34. I was feeling lonely.
35. Everyone else was having sex.
36. I wanted the attention.
37. It was easier to ''go all the way'' than to stop.
38. I wanted to ensure the relationship was ''committed.''
39. I was competing with someone else to ''get the person.''
40. I wanted to ''gain control'' of the person.
41. I was curious about what the person was like in bed.
42. I was curious about sex.
43. I wanted to feel attractive.
44. I wanted to please my partner.
45. I wanted to display submission.
46. I wanted to release anxiety/stress.
47. I didn't know how to say ''no.''
48. I felt like it was my duty.
49. I wanted to end the relationship.
50 My friends pressured me into it.
51. I wanted the adventure/excitement.
52. I wanted the experience.
53. I felt obligated to.
54. It's fun.
55. I wanted to get even with someone "(i.e.," get revenge).
56. I wanted to be popular.
57. It would get me gifts.
58. I wanted to act out a fantasy.
59. I hadn't had sex for a while.
60. The person was ''available.''
61. I didn't want to ''lose'' the person.
62. I thought it would help ''trap'' a new partner.
63. I wanted to make someone else jealous.
64. I felt sorry for the person.
65. I wanted to feel powerful.
66. I wanted to ''possess'' the person.
67. I wanted to release tension.
68. I wanted to feel good about myself.
69. I was slumming.
70. I felt rebellious.
71. I wanted to intensify my relationship.
72. It seemed like the natural next step.
73. I wanted to be nice.
74. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
75. I wanted to feel young.
76. I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
77. I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex.
78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
79. I wanted the person to feel good about themselves.
80. I didn't want to disappoint the person.
81. I was trying to ''get over'' an earlier person/relationship.
82. I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation.
83. I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions.
84. I felt guilty.
85. My hormones were out of control.
86. It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.
87. It became a habit.
88. I wanted to keep my partner happy.
89. I had no self-control.
90. I wanted to communicate at a deeper level.
91. I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn't have sex with him/her.
92. I was curious about my sexual abilities.
93. I wanted a ''spiritual'' experience.
94. It was just part of the relationship ''routine''.
95. I wanted to lose my inhibitions.
96. I got ''carried away.''
97. I needed another ''notch on my belt.''
98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
99. The opportunity presented itself.
100. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned "(e.g.," on marijuana or some other drug).
101. It's considered ''taboo'' by society.
102. I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced.
103. The person was too ''hot'' (sexy) to resist.
104. I thought it would relax me.
105. I thought it would make me feel healthy.
106. I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
107. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person.
108. I thought it would help me to fall asleep.
109. I could brag to other people about my sexual experience.
110. It would allow me to ''get sex out of my system'' so that I could focus on other things.
111. I wanted to decrease my partner's desire to have sex with someone else.
112. It would damage my reputation if I said ''no.''
113. The person was too physically attractive to resist.
114. I wanted to celebrate something.
115. I was seduced.
116. I wanted to make the person feel better about themselves.
117. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex.
118. I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better.
119. I was mad at my "partner," so I had sex with someone else.
120. I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner.
121. It was expected of me.
122. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
123. I wanted the pure pleasure.
124. I wanted to dominate the other person.
125. I wanted to make a conquest.
126. I'm addicted to sex.
127. It was a favor to someone.
128. I wanted to be used or degraded.
129. Someone offered me money to do it.
130. I was drunk.
131. It seemed like good exercise.
132. I was pressured into doing it.
133. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
134. I was frustrated and needed relief.
135. It was a romantic setting.
136. I felt insecure.
137. My regular partner is "boring," so I had sex with someone else.
138. I was on the ''rebound'' from another relationship.
139. I wanted to boost my self-esteem.
140. I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
141. Because of a bet.
142. It was a special occasion.
143. I wanted to get a special favor from someone.
144. I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me.
145. I wanted to enhance my reputation.
146. I wanted to keep warm.
147. I wanted to punish myself.
148. I wanted to break up a rival's relationship by having sex with his/her partner.
149. I wanted to stop my partners' nagging.
150. I wanted to impress friends.
151. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
152. I wanted to brag to my friends about my conquests.
153. I wanted to improve my sexual skills.
154. I wanted to get a job.
155. I wanted to get a raise.
156. I wanted to get a promotion.
157. I wanted to satisfy a compulsion.
158. I wanted to make money.
159. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.
160. I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
161. I wanted to get out of doing something.
162. I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner.
163. I wanted to get a partner to express love.
164. I wanted to put the passion back into my relationship.
165. I wanted to prevent a breakup.
166. I wanted to become one with another person.
167. I wanted to get a favor from someone.
168. I wanted to breakup my relationship.
169. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease "(e.g.," "herpes," AIDS).
170. I wanted to breakup another's relationship.
171. I wanted to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
172. I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
173. I wanted to get rid of a headache.
174. I was afraid to say ''no'' due to the possibility of physical harm.
175. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
176. I wanted to burn calories.
177. I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner.
178. I wanted to hurt an enemy.
179. I wanted to feel older.
180. I wanted to raise my self-esteem.
181. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
182. I wanted to become more focused on work – sexual thoughts are distracting.
183. I wanted to say ''I've missed you.''
184. I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion.
185. I wanted to say ''I'm sorry.''
186. I wanted to return a favor.
187. I wanted to say ''Thank you.''
188. I wanted to welcome someone home.
189. I wanted to say ''goodbye.''
190. I wanted to defy my parents.
191. I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.
192. I wanted to relieve ''blue balls.''
193. I wanted to get the most out of life.
194. I wanted to feel feminine.
195. I wanted to feel masculine.
196. I am a sex addict.
197. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
198. I thought it would boost my social status.
199. The person had a lot of money.
200. The person's physical appearance turned me on.
201. The person was a good dancer.
202. Someone had told me that this person was good in bed.
203. The person had beautiful eyes.
204. The person made me feel sexy.
205. An erotic movie had turned me on.
206. The person had taken me out for an expensive dinner.
207. The person was a good kisser.
208. The person had bought me jewelry.
209. The person had a great sense of humor.
210. The person seemed self-confident.
211. The person really desired me.
212. The person was really desired by others.
213. I wanted to gain access to that person's friend.
214. I felt jealous.
215. The person flattered me.
216. I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed.
217. The person had a desirable body.
218. I had not had sex in a long time.
219. The person smelled nice.
220. The person had an attractive face.
221. I saw the person naked and could not resist.
222. I was turned on by the sexual conversation.
223. The person was intelligent.
224. The person caressed me.
225. The person wore revealing clothes.
226. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of them.
227. I knew the person was usually ''out of my league.''
228. The person was mysterious.
229. I realized I was in love.
230. I wanted to forget about my problems.
231. I wanted to reproduce.
232. I wanted to feel loved.
233. I wanted my partner to notice me.
234. I wanted to help my partner forget about their problems.
235. I wanted to lift my partner's spirits.
236. I wanted to submit to my partner.
237. I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.
This list comes from a University of Texas study published August 2007 issue of the Archives of Sexual Behavior (Study PDF). It asked 400 students and volunteers why they had sex. Keep in mind, most of the subjects were college-age students (which may certainly influence the top 20 reasons, below).
Last Updated: August 2007
Funny how most statements were repeated and was just stated on a different way. Nevertheless, most if not all, once ran into our minds and slipped out of our tongue in one way or another. Isn't it? I myself was guilty to most of the reasons on this list *wink* Ü
Top 10 Reasons Why Women Cheat
Yahoo article 105
by vega love, on Fri Dec 12, 2008 1:12am PST
10. The relationship isn't THAT serious. In the beginning, you may find yourself in a brand new relationship, you're just dating but you really like the guy but you aren't quite sure if you want to be exclusive, men, you better not take too long to figure it out and seal the deal(right). While you're out there dating or talking to a couple of other girls to make sure she's the right one for you, she could be doing the same thing! Unfortunately for you, women get hit on almost everyday, it could just be for sex or whatever the circumstance, but we get attention out there no matter what we look like-there is always someone who is willing to get in our pants. Fortunately, we have been turning men down since the beginning of time, so unlike you, the predator, we are the type of prey that can say NO and walk away(uhuh!Ü). When you think you are not quite ready to settle down as you go from one woman to the next, you are really wasting time on the girls you don't really like instead of investing time in the one you really want. If you don't seal the deal while she's really into you, you just might blow it, and she knows it!(you bet!)
9. They are bored in the relationship. When women get bored with their man they may seek comfort in the arms of a stranger or an old familiar flame. They get bored when the sparks no longer fly, they are stuck in a routine at home or in the relationship, and if their man isn't paying attention to them or they aren't having anymore fun together. Women need romance, dancing, dinners, spontaneous getaways, anything that will keep them guessing and make them feel special. The longer you leave gaps in between the romance, some other guy may be filling in for you. When the man she loves is spending too much time and attention on himself or his other interests, it is a complete turn-off for women because we want to be the center of his world (this is true!), and when we aren't, we know that someone else will place us on a peddle stool. You've seen the chick flicks guys, how much more do we need to spell it out for you?!
8. They aren't getting what they want out of the relationship. Most women want a place to call home, especially a house, they want a marriage or some type of commitment, and eventually, they want to start a family. If they have been in a long term relationship and nothing seems to be materializing from it, they will consider straying if they haven't already. Women need to know their place in your life, we want to know that you are in it to give them that happily ever after, and if you don't step it up, then you need to proceed with caution. It isn't about sex, it's about being with a man that is ready to GROW UP and take the relationship to the next level. No matter what we say, we need the ring, the piece of paper, the contract, the whole sha-bang! We don't want to be your baby mama, but if that's what it takes to get you to commit, then some women will take that route and make you miserable for the rest of your life, all because... you didn't give her want she wants or needs in the relationship. Remember guys, there will always be someone else out there that will promise her the world if you aren't already giving it to her (ouch anyone?).
7. When he has too much baggage. Psycho ex girlfriends, baby mama drama, ex-wives with too much control, a meddling mother, over-protective siblings, bratty kids and friends that don't know when to go home, will take their toll on a woman. There is nothing more unattractive then a man that has too much baggage(correct!). Women will begin to take a look at their options out there no matter how nice or great of a guy her man is. A man can spoil her rotten, treat her with love and respect, but if his mama always has something to say, if his parents drop by unannounced, or are rude when her man isn't around, she will begin to resent the number one woman in your life, her arch-enemy... Yo' MAMA! If your ex, baby mama, or ex-wife causes too many problems in your relationship, you better do whatever you can to keep her because that is some bull-stuff that she will only take for so long. What's worse is if you can't control your own kids, that is also a major turn off because she wants you to be the MAN, not the doormat! When your friends come over too much or stay too long, you're not doing couples activities and you're all just sitting around playing video games, that will make you all look like a high school boy instead of the man she knows you can be. If you seem to be fighting about other people in your lives, that is definitely a red flag that she is not happy, so schedule time with your friends or family and let her go do whatever she likes to do then meet up latter. Whatever you do, don't keep repeating the same thing over and over when she tells you she doesn't like something (or someone) take care of the problem like a man, don't keep irritating her. When you really love someone, you will make the simple effort to make little changes for the benefit of the relationship; its all about compromise(COMPROMISE baby. Its all about compromise). If a man has too much baggage, there will be a drama free man out there just waiting for a chance to be with her, especially if she isn't carrying much baggage of her own(uhuh!).
6. They won't leave something for nothing. When you're just not getting along and you seem to be fighting a lot, fellas beware! Most women won't have a clean break because we need to "get under someone new, to get over someone old." That's right, this is something even our mothers and grandmothers know now a days! That is why we always tend to have a "rebound guy," you know, the guy after the serious long-term relationship, before the string of one night stands and mini-relationships that will eventually lead to the new and improved relationship with someone better then you. Don't be mistaken, women are a lot more slick than we have been given credit for, and you won't even see it coming. By the time you're ready to "work things out" she may be on to bigger and better things, so if you know you love her and want to be with her, you better fix the problems before you get replaced. We think about our feelings and emotions a lot before we stray or start looking for the rebound guy, by the time we act on it, we have made up our minds and moved on. All you need to know is that the plan was well thought out before it was executed(well said).
5. Ok, sometimes it is about the SEX. If a girl is having trouble climaxing, no matter how great of a guy you are, or if you have a mortgage, lease or kids together, she just might stray, depending on how bad it is and how much she really loves you. You could be rich, offer her everything under the sun, but if you can't deliver the kind of lovin' she needs, you're headed for trouble, because there is an easy remedy to cure that little problem. You will find that more and more women will have a Cha-cha(this is the first time i heard about this word Ü). , a guy they can call on whenever, wherever, to take care of their sexual appetiteUnlike a booty call, a Cha-cha knows you're in a relationship, he might be in one too, but he is readily awaiting her number appearing on the Caller ID of his cell phone. He is the guy that will give her presents AND orgasms, but he never calls her, she calls him. Men have their "old reliables" that they call when they are having a dry spell, women do too, but the Cha-cha is a special man that takes care of her wants and needs in different ways than a booty call and an old reliable. He is also there when you aren't acting right, he will console her after a fight, even if she doesn't mention a word about it, and he is there if she hasn't lined him up already, if you are having any of the issues from 6-10 in addition to the bad sex. Women have sexual and emotional needs that require your attention and if you aren't giving it to them, someone else will without a doubt!(hmmm...i think i know a guy who's aware of this. He sure doesn't want to be in a relationship if the girl is not good in bed and he wants to make sure he satisfies her so he won't be replaced.hahaÜ)
4. When things start to go sour. Let's face it, women need a lot of attention, we have feelings and emotions that run deeper than any of the seven seas in the whole wide world. If you forget her birthday, an anniversary, or any other special day or if you skimp out on the other important days like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas, New Years Eve or WHATEVER, she will feel unappreciated and that is a major red-light danger zone!(right!) If you are so caught up and busy doing whatever it is that you do, even if you are working a lot to pay bills and what not, at the very least... you better remember the days that count! The rule of thumb here is that you need to show your appreciation to her, show her how special she is and how much she means to you(yes please). Say thank you in little ways, because every woman will tell you, "it's the little things that count." The reason the little things count is because they all add up to one big thing, whether or not you appreciate her enough. If she baby's you when you're sick, packs your lunches, makes you dinner every night, if she cuts your hair, or makes you feel special by throwing you a surprise party, or gets you little thoughtful gifts here and there, no matter what the occasion, she is doing her best to make you feel special, loved and appreciated. We will never say it out loud, but we're expecting you to do it for us too. Picking up some flowers "just because" is a great way to show her, taking her out for a romantic dinner will also do the trick, getting her a card to say you're sorry, or giving her a little something because you love her, will always work wonders. If not, there is always some guy out there that will give her the works and charm those panties off by sweeping her off her feet.
3. If the relationship gets physical, in a bad way. Don't think that you could ever completely control a woman. If you try to use scare tactics, if you hit her, beat her up, or threaten her, she can and will stray at some point, it is just a matter of when. If you are verbally or emotionally abusive, we may play the victim card but every woman can be pushed to her breaking point until enough is enough(correct!). There are way more nice guys then evil ones out there and if you didn't know this already, we have been trained to await our night in shining armor, thanks to Disney. You can beat us to the ground and we will pick ourselves up because even though we love you and you hurt us in anyway, there is always another guy waiting to save that damsel in distress. We all know how much women talk, we talk about everyone and everything, so if she's with friends or at work spilling her guts out to someone else, anywhere else, the other women will be more than willing to set her up with someone great that they know, and most guys would love to play the part of the hero.
2. When she doesn't come first in your life. If you put other people before her then she will eventually stray and find herself in bed with a guy that will put her first. A woman has to feel like she is your number one priority outside of your real responsibilities like work or school, since women can be considered your partner, she needs to be treated as such, and more. When you're spending more time or money on your Mom, or anyone else other then her, you will have some problems. If you spend too much time at work and not enough time on her, there will be a big fight around the corner(nahh...i wont fight...but once a guy hits my boiling point by not showing up or by not making a way to have time for me, i might. Ü). I know it sounds selfish, but that is just the way we are.
Think about it, when a man has a little girl, he is over protective of her, he spoils her, and she is his princess forever. When Dad is around, she is on her best behavior because she knows that if she plays her cards right, she can get whatever she wants from him... Mom on the other hand, is different. Mothers and daughters have a different relationship, they teach us all the domestic knowledge we need to be a wife and mother, cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, etc. Usually, the father will discipline the kids, but he is always easier on his little girl than on his boys. There are Daddy's girls, and Mama's boys, there is a method to that madness. You see, mothers make it difficult for any woman to measure up because most guys want a girl kind of like his mom, in a way, and women want a strong, providing, generous man, like her daddy. Women just want a guy to make her feel like a princess, so if you've got other things on that peddle stool, you better make room for her because if she isn't your number one, she will belong to someone else in no time. It's not just about people either, it is also habits and addictions, like drugs or video games, if you spend more time on the Playstation III or getting high, she will find a more mature man that will place that crown on her head and slip on that glass slipper.
1. Whatever you can do, we can do it better. If you have cheated on us and we take you back, you better be on your toes every minute of every day! Don't think you are in the clear just because she forgave you, you better watch how she interacts with your brother, your cousins, your best friends, co- workers, and anyone with a penis. She will go for the jugular fellas, and I am not playing! If you break her heart and she gives you a second chance, she is probably going to start plotting the biggest, heart-breaking performance of her life. Just when you think it's all water under the bridge, you will find your heart ripped out, stomped on and spit on, under that bridge. Every woman handles it differently, she will either go for someone close to you, or she will slowly but surely, be with someone else behind your back, whether you find out about it or not is up to her. She may take you back, all the while knowing that she has slept with someone else, because in the back of her mind, "what you don't know won't hurt." Trust me fellas, she will smile in your face and act like everything is normal, but behind that grin lies the remnants of a broken heart plotting away vengeance. You see, it is so much easier for a woman to cheat, all we have to do is say "yes". Men love the thrill of the chase, they are natural predators, and once they have a piece of the pie, they are done with it because the thrill of the chase is over. If they get caught it's because they weren't doing it right, they got sloppy, and weren't paying attention. Women on the other hand, are very detail oriented, if she gets caught, she probably wanted to. Women will sleep with a guy even if he has a significant other, we are competitive that way. If the girl you cheated on knew about your woman, she was in it for the competition, you really mean nothing to her; sorry guys. Women always think they are better than other women, even sisters are rivals, but you are the fool that gets caught in the middle. If you don't end up with one of the two, you will end up alone, because a woman doesn't really want the guy that cheats on his chick with her because he will probably do it to her too. The woman who got cheated on will either take you back and get you back to even the score, or she will not have anything to do with you. It's all a game, and most of the time... it's the men that play the fools.
I know this all sounds horrible, and you probably think that women aren't like that, but if you really believe that, then you are naive. Women are not nice when you hurt them or don't treat them the way they deserve to be treated. They will strike when you least expect it, she will hurt you in away you never thought possible, and if she did it all because of something you did or failed to do, she will do it without a single regret. A woman scorned will do the impossible and the unbelievable; you will not be prepared for the atomic bomb she will drop on you. It could be days, weeks, months, years, but she knows she is in control and she will take her time to get you back.
Let's go back to the beginning, remember how Eve convinced Adam to eat that apple? Well, that's the kind of power we have over men. Don't think for a moment, that you are special, men are disposable, sad but true. Anything you won't do for us, someone else will be more than willing to step up and take care of us, and that's the guy that gets the trophy wife. The self-absorbed, naive man, is still a boy to us, and what we really want, is a MAN(yeah! what I really want IS A MANÜ).
A woman will love you whole heartedly if you play your cards right, but if you don't, she will call your bluff and walk away with the pot, take your pride with her, and leave you all alone to figure out how the heck she pulled it off.
by vega love, on Fri Dec 12, 2008 1:12am PST
10. The relationship isn't THAT serious. In the beginning, you may find yourself in a brand new relationship, you're just dating but you really like the guy but you aren't quite sure if you want to be exclusive, men, you better not take too long to figure it out and seal the deal(right). While you're out there dating or talking to a couple of other girls to make sure she's the right one for you, she could be doing the same thing! Unfortunately for you, women get hit on almost everyday, it could just be for sex or whatever the circumstance, but we get attention out there no matter what we look like-there is always someone who is willing to get in our pants. Fortunately, we have been turning men down since the beginning of time, so unlike you, the predator, we are the type of prey that can say NO and walk away(uhuh!Ü). When you think you are not quite ready to settle down as you go from one woman to the next, you are really wasting time on the girls you don't really like instead of investing time in the one you really want. If you don't seal the deal while she's really into you, you just might blow it, and she knows it!(you bet!)
9. They are bored in the relationship. When women get bored with their man they may seek comfort in the arms of a stranger or an old familiar flame. They get bored when the sparks no longer fly, they are stuck in a routine at home or in the relationship, and if their man isn't paying attention to them or they aren't having anymore fun together. Women need romance, dancing, dinners, spontaneous getaways, anything that will keep them guessing and make them feel special. The longer you leave gaps in between the romance, some other guy may be filling in for you. When the man she loves is spending too much time and attention on himself or his other interests, it is a complete turn-off for women because we want to be the center of his world (this is true!), and when we aren't, we know that someone else will place us on a peddle stool. You've seen the chick flicks guys, how much more do we need to spell it out for you?!
8. They aren't getting what they want out of the relationship. Most women want a place to call home, especially a house, they want a marriage or some type of commitment, and eventually, they want to start a family. If they have been in a long term relationship and nothing seems to be materializing from it, they will consider straying if they haven't already. Women need to know their place in your life, we want to know that you are in it to give them that happily ever after, and if you don't step it up, then you need to proceed with caution. It isn't about sex, it's about being with a man that is ready to GROW UP and take the relationship to the next level. No matter what we say, we need the ring, the piece of paper, the contract, the whole sha-bang! We don't want to be your baby mama, but if that's what it takes to get you to commit, then some women will take that route and make you miserable for the rest of your life, all because... you didn't give her want she wants or needs in the relationship. Remember guys, there will always be someone else out there that will promise her the world if you aren't already giving it to her (ouch anyone?).
7. When he has too much baggage. Psycho ex girlfriends, baby mama drama, ex-wives with too much control, a meddling mother, over-protective siblings, bratty kids and friends that don't know when to go home, will take their toll on a woman. There is nothing more unattractive then a man that has too much baggage(correct!). Women will begin to take a look at their options out there no matter how nice or great of a guy her man is. A man can spoil her rotten, treat her with love and respect, but if his mama always has something to say, if his parents drop by unannounced, or are rude when her man isn't around, she will begin to resent the number one woman in your life, her arch-enemy... Yo' MAMA! If your ex, baby mama, or ex-wife causes too many problems in your relationship, you better do whatever you can to keep her because that is some bull-stuff that she will only take for so long. What's worse is if you can't control your own kids, that is also a major turn off because she wants you to be the MAN, not the doormat! When your friends come over too much or stay too long, you're not doing couples activities and you're all just sitting around playing video games, that will make you all look like a high school boy instead of the man she knows you can be. If you seem to be fighting about other people in your lives, that is definitely a red flag that she is not happy, so schedule time with your friends or family and let her go do whatever she likes to do then meet up latter. Whatever you do, don't keep repeating the same thing over and over when she tells you she doesn't like something (or someone) take care of the problem like a man, don't keep irritating her. When you really love someone, you will make the simple effort to make little changes for the benefit of the relationship; its all about compromise(COMPROMISE baby. Its all about compromise). If a man has too much baggage, there will be a drama free man out there just waiting for a chance to be with her, especially if she isn't carrying much baggage of her own(uhuh!).
6. They won't leave something for nothing. When you're just not getting along and you seem to be fighting a lot, fellas beware! Most women won't have a clean break because we need to "get under someone new, to get over someone old." That's right, this is something even our mothers and grandmothers know now a days! That is why we always tend to have a "rebound guy," you know, the guy after the serious long-term relationship, before the string of one night stands and mini-relationships that will eventually lead to the new and improved relationship with someone better then you. Don't be mistaken, women are a lot more slick than we have been given credit for, and you won't even see it coming. By the time you're ready to "work things out" she may be on to bigger and better things, so if you know you love her and want to be with her, you better fix the problems before you get replaced. We think about our feelings and emotions a lot before we stray or start looking for the rebound guy, by the time we act on it, we have made up our minds and moved on. All you need to know is that the plan was well thought out before it was executed(well said).
5. Ok, sometimes it is about the SEX. If a girl is having trouble climaxing, no matter how great of a guy you are, or if you have a mortgage, lease or kids together, she just might stray, depending on how bad it is and how much she really loves you. You could be rich, offer her everything under the sun, but if you can't deliver the kind of lovin' she needs, you're headed for trouble, because there is an easy remedy to cure that little problem. You will find that more and more women will have a Cha-cha(this is the first time i heard about this word Ü). , a guy they can call on whenever, wherever, to take care of their sexual appetiteUnlike a booty call, a Cha-cha knows you're in a relationship, he might be in one too, but he is readily awaiting her number appearing on the Caller ID of his cell phone. He is the guy that will give her presents AND orgasms, but he never calls her, she calls him. Men have their "old reliables" that they call when they are having a dry spell, women do too, but the Cha-cha is a special man that takes care of her wants and needs in different ways than a booty call and an old reliable. He is also there when you aren't acting right, he will console her after a fight, even if she doesn't mention a word about it, and he is there if she hasn't lined him up already, if you are having any of the issues from 6-10 in addition to the bad sex. Women have sexual and emotional needs that require your attention and if you aren't giving it to them, someone else will without a doubt!(hmmm...i think i know a guy who's aware of this. He sure doesn't want to be in a relationship if the girl is not good in bed and he wants to make sure he satisfies her so he won't be replaced.hahaÜ)
4. When things start to go sour. Let's face it, women need a lot of attention, we have feelings and emotions that run deeper than any of the seven seas in the whole wide world. If you forget her birthday, an anniversary, or any other special day or if you skimp out on the other important days like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas, New Years Eve or WHATEVER, she will feel unappreciated and that is a major red-light danger zone!(right!) If you are so caught up and busy doing whatever it is that you do, even if you are working a lot to pay bills and what not, at the very least... you better remember the days that count! The rule of thumb here is that you need to show your appreciation to her, show her how special she is and how much she means to you(yes please). Say thank you in little ways, because every woman will tell you, "it's the little things that count." The reason the little things count is because they all add up to one big thing, whether or not you appreciate her enough. If she baby's you when you're sick, packs your lunches, makes you dinner every night, if she cuts your hair, or makes you feel special by throwing you a surprise party, or gets you little thoughtful gifts here and there, no matter what the occasion, she is doing her best to make you feel special, loved and appreciated. We will never say it out loud, but we're expecting you to do it for us too. Picking up some flowers "just because" is a great way to show her, taking her out for a romantic dinner will also do the trick, getting her a card to say you're sorry, or giving her a little something because you love her, will always work wonders. If not, there is always some guy out there that will give her the works and charm those panties off by sweeping her off her feet.
3. If the relationship gets physical, in a bad way. Don't think that you could ever completely control a woman. If you try to use scare tactics, if you hit her, beat her up, or threaten her, she can and will stray at some point, it is just a matter of when. If you are verbally or emotionally abusive, we may play the victim card but every woman can be pushed to her breaking point until enough is enough(correct!). There are way more nice guys then evil ones out there and if you didn't know this already, we have been trained to await our night in shining armor, thanks to Disney. You can beat us to the ground and we will pick ourselves up because even though we love you and you hurt us in anyway, there is always another guy waiting to save that damsel in distress. We all know how much women talk, we talk about everyone and everything, so if she's with friends or at work spilling her guts out to someone else, anywhere else, the other women will be more than willing to set her up with someone great that they know, and most guys would love to play the part of the hero.
2. When she doesn't come first in your life. If you put other people before her then she will eventually stray and find herself in bed with a guy that will put her first. A woman has to feel like she is your number one priority outside of your real responsibilities like work or school, since women can be considered your partner, she needs to be treated as such, and more. When you're spending more time or money on your Mom, or anyone else other then her, you will have some problems. If you spend too much time at work and not enough time on her, there will be a big fight around the corner(nahh...i wont fight...but once a guy hits my boiling point by not showing up or by not making a way to have time for me, i might. Ü). I know it sounds selfish, but that is just the way we are.
Think about it, when a man has a little girl, he is over protective of her, he spoils her, and she is his princess forever. When Dad is around, she is on her best behavior because she knows that if she plays her cards right, she can get whatever she wants from him... Mom on the other hand, is different. Mothers and daughters have a different relationship, they teach us all the domestic knowledge we need to be a wife and mother, cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, etc. Usually, the father will discipline the kids, but he is always easier on his little girl than on his boys. There are Daddy's girls, and Mama's boys, there is a method to that madness. You see, mothers make it difficult for any woman to measure up because most guys want a girl kind of like his mom, in a way, and women want a strong, providing, generous man, like her daddy. Women just want a guy to make her feel like a princess, so if you've got other things on that peddle stool, you better make room for her because if she isn't your number one, she will belong to someone else in no time. It's not just about people either, it is also habits and addictions, like drugs or video games, if you spend more time on the Playstation III or getting high, she will find a more mature man that will place that crown on her head and slip on that glass slipper.
1. Whatever you can do, we can do it better. If you have cheated on us and we take you back, you better be on your toes every minute of every day! Don't think you are in the clear just because she forgave you, you better watch how she interacts with your brother, your cousins, your best friends, co- workers, and anyone with a penis. She will go for the jugular fellas, and I am not playing! If you break her heart and she gives you a second chance, she is probably going to start plotting the biggest, heart-breaking performance of her life. Just when you think it's all water under the bridge, you will find your heart ripped out, stomped on and spit on, under that bridge. Every woman handles it differently, she will either go for someone close to you, or she will slowly but surely, be with someone else behind your back, whether you find out about it or not is up to her. She may take you back, all the while knowing that she has slept with someone else, because in the back of her mind, "what you don't know won't hurt." Trust me fellas, she will smile in your face and act like everything is normal, but behind that grin lies the remnants of a broken heart plotting away vengeance. You see, it is so much easier for a woman to cheat, all we have to do is say "yes". Men love the thrill of the chase, they are natural predators, and once they have a piece of the pie, they are done with it because the thrill of the chase is over. If they get caught it's because they weren't doing it right, they got sloppy, and weren't paying attention. Women on the other hand, are very detail oriented, if she gets caught, she probably wanted to. Women will sleep with a guy even if he has a significant other, we are competitive that way. If the girl you cheated on knew about your woman, she was in it for the competition, you really mean nothing to her; sorry guys. Women always think they are better than other women, even sisters are rivals, but you are the fool that gets caught in the middle. If you don't end up with one of the two, you will end up alone, because a woman doesn't really want the guy that cheats on his chick with her because he will probably do it to her too. The woman who got cheated on will either take you back and get you back to even the score, or she will not have anything to do with you. It's all a game, and most of the time... it's the men that play the fools.
I know this all sounds horrible, and you probably think that women aren't like that, but if you really believe that, then you are naive. Women are not nice when you hurt them or don't treat them the way they deserve to be treated. They will strike when you least expect it, she will hurt you in away you never thought possible, and if she did it all because of something you did or failed to do, she will do it without a single regret. A woman scorned will do the impossible and the unbelievable; you will not be prepared for the atomic bomb she will drop on you. It could be days, weeks, months, years, but she knows she is in control and she will take her time to get you back.
Let's go back to the beginning, remember how Eve convinced Adam to eat that apple? Well, that's the kind of power we have over men. Don't think for a moment, that you are special, men are disposable, sad but true. Anything you won't do for us, someone else will be more than willing to step up and take care of us, and that's the guy that gets the trophy wife. The self-absorbed, naive man, is still a boy to us, and what we really want, is a MAN(yeah! what I really want IS A MANÜ).
A woman will love you whole heartedly if you play your cards right, but if you don't, she will call your bluff and walk away with the pot, take your pride with her, and leave you all alone to figure out how the heck she pulled it off.
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