Confession of a Dreamer

For the past years, all I wanted was just to be able to perform in front of an audience. I don't know what got into me, because I had a sudden change of mind. This time, I wanted not just to be able to perform, but learn more about my passion and be able to teach or share them to people.

This realization came when I got tired of searching for possible career advancements in my chosen field and saw numerous people who have potential to improve on their God-given talents. I'm not trying to be a talent manager or something. This time, I want to go back studying. I wanted to take my Masters in Performing Arts/Theater --- in a different country.

I don't know why I wanted to leave, all I know is that I want to know how it feels like studying in a different setting and how to live life outside of my birthland.

I know that for some, they'll say it's too late. Ask, "why just now? why start now?". I already hear people tell me that it's not worth the shot, because living in another country, considering their cost of living and such, is much worse than staying here. I wouldn't give them a second to think of more questions 'coz I will just say, "Why Not?" For me, nothing is too late - until I give up. And giving up, will never be in my vocabulary.

I admit, though, that I don't know where to start. This will be my very first time to do something on my own that I have never done in the past. I mean, I travel. Yes. But not internationally. This will be my first time to go out of my comfort zone. Of course I know I needed to fix my papers, get a passport and apply for a Visa and such, but I know I needed more help.

Living in another country, alone, and no one to talk to or be with, is one hell of a fun ride for me. Fun in the sense that I get to challenge myself to deal with different types of people, befriend any good or bad person that come my way. Fun in the sense that I will no longer have the same routine of just relying on one or two person's idea on something. Fun in the sense that I will not be committed to just a single person's routine itself.

But it's difficult, most especially if I have no idea of where to go.

I've been doing my research for like 3 months now. Searching for schools who can grant financial assistance for an International Student like me. Submitted resumes to possible goups/organizations who might hopefully read it and consider my portfolio. And since then, I haven't gotten any response.

It's indeed true, as I read through some international student's blogsites that the only pain you'll get out of this, is waiting.

I won't deny that I said I needed more help. I won't pretend that I know everything and that I can just do everything on my own. That's the reason why I've been asking my friends and all the people I know who's already living out of the country, for any information they could give me on where to go and what to do. That's the reason why I bury myself online, hoping to get a response from any of them. That's the reason why I'm not giving up. Because I know, someday, somewhere, there will be someone who can lead me to the right path without worrying of anything else, but me and my chosen life.

As we grow older and wiser, we realize that there are some things that just wouldn't satisfy our needs. We realize that there are people who were able to reach their goals and achieve their dreams without even going through all the hoops of trials. We realize that there are people who were just blessed with opportunities that they never see it coming.

Unfair as life can be, here I am, finally realizing what I wanted to do in life to serve my purpose --- yet I don't know where to begin.

Crazy, but true. :)