My long wait is over

it really feels good to love and be loved in return...
finally, after years of waiting, i felt so loved...
finally, i felt that this is my time to be pampered...
finally, i felt like this is my chance for love

its all about me now...
but of course, its always good to return the favor
and its unlike me to not give him the love he fully deserve.
thats where im good at..hehe (,^u^)

These 3 words...it could change our lives forever

-august 26,2008 yahoo daily forecast-

Love comes to those who wait, but it also could use a jumpstart in the right direction. Today do something proactive to get this party started. There's no reason to be passive. Use initiative and make the first move!


oOo
guess i just did...
i made the first move to say sorry about the things i said to him for the past days...

guess i just did...
i told him i really missed him so much and i miss those happy times we've had

guess i just did...
i asked him if he really do love me,or just like me coz there's a big difference between those 2words... when all he said that time was the word "mahal"

guess i just did...
after realizing that i dont wna pressure him to say the 3words til he's ready...
i made the first move to say coz that's what i really feel

if i havent done that...
i wouldn't see him say...

john.08:26

Dear Lie...

get out of my mouth...get out of my head...get out of my mind...stop puttin' words in my head...get out of my mouth...your nothing but trouble...get out of my life...get out of me...out of me...out of me lie...


am i just misjudging him? couldn't help but ask him yesterday if he's really into me or just out for sexual companionship.

i know i've hurt his feelings and ruined his mood...i didn't mean to...

he of course defended himself and got his point across.i understood.i just don't know why i keep on letting my mind overthink of what we really have.

as i told him..maybe im just really not the type of girl who's always up for a "sex talk". i do have some episodes though where im really in the mood to talk about it. sometimes i can even be so blunt about what i feel at the moment.

but that's just me...like what i told him, one day i could be so hyped...then the next day, i could be the most "kj" (killjoy) person he'll ever meet.

oOo
...but nothing can ever hide the fact that im falling for him...maybe i cant just totally give my trust to him as early as now. afraid of feeling used again and taken for granted.

i've been into relationships where i almost lose myself and gave them the trust i could offer...and in the end will just be left behind wondering what went wrong. and as soon as i would like to learn from it, here comes another instance when my trusting heart is up for another challenge.

...i just hope my instincts will prove me wrong...that he's indeed serious as what he says...coz if he's not, i dunno what im gonna do..will i get back in waiting for years to find the man of my dreams? and will i let my heart suffer again for another shot of getting broken?

john.08:22

A glimpse of my cyber life

It's really amazing how u get to know people from different walks of life in the internet. Yes they say people who go and meet online or even try their luck in searching for love online has no guarantee. But it's not that bad either. Of course there will always be some who'll just try it for fun and make fond of using other people's profile just to get hooked or something. But still, if you're lucky enough, you'll sooner or later find out that there are people who are real to themselves. No matter where they live or what they do for a living.

Some may say that "nah...you wont know if they're for real. because they can hide who they truly are once they're online"...But you really wont know til you meet them right?

Well, i haven't met this new friend of mine though.He said he's 30..living in Virginia Beach VA...He shared his stories from how his heart was broken by fil-am girls there, to how he really wanted to live a simple life...with Filipino values that was instilled in his heart from the time he was born, to how much he wants to come back here and live differently.

I know we just finished talking about our lives in YM...for about 5minutes before i decided to write this down. But that doesnt mean il stop believing that there's still some quality things you can talk about online than just getting to know each other and ask about their usual stuff.

This conversation for sure will last for a long time...coz it didnt just began wtih a simple hi...but ended with me teaching him how to speak and understand straight tagalog and him teaching me some weird slang words from their country..hehehe Ü

wiL.08:17

Pablo Neruda's fave 104

Sonnet XVII



I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda's fave 103

If You Forget Me

I want you to know one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

Pablo Neruda's fave 102

I Crave Your Mouth, Your Voice, Your Hair



Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

Pablo Neruda's fave 101

From – Twenty Poems of Love


I can write the saddest lines tonight.

Write for example: ‘The night is fractured
and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest lines tonight.
I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.
I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.
To think I don’t have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.
Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep her.
The night is fractured and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone sings far off. Far off,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.
My heart looks for her: she is not with me


The same night whitens, in the same branches.
We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.

Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.
Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,
and these are the last lines I will write for her.

Pablo Neruda

He wants to take his time...

gusto ko na siyang ma-meet...
makilala ng personal...
ayoko ng puro online lang..
puro chat...

mas magiging at ease sana ako kung kahit papaano,
di ko man siya makasama palagi,at least we had the chance to meet
and exchange long stories in person.
pag online and chat kasi, konti lang ang napaguusapan...
lagi pa siyang may ginagawa.

ayoko naman lagi siyang naiistorbo sa trabaho dahil sakin
kahit ba sabhin niyang okay lang basta ako,
iba pa rin kung mkpagusap kayo ng mas matagal ng personal
mas magging masaya ako ng ganun...
but as the title says,
he wants to take his time...
he wants for us to get to know each other online first
para daw pag nag-meet kami, wala ng ilangan..

ako din namanim not in a rush
at all

its just that,i really want to know him more
i want to see his actual reactions whenever i crack a joke or something
i want to see how he laugh whenever i give out-of-this-world comments
and i want to see how he is when he's with me
im not rushing anything...am i?

oh Lord...
give me patience...
i read that my patience will all pay-off
sooner or later than i expected...

just promise me u'l guide me
and if in time i'l be fed up,
just make him stay
i dont wna lose him...

john.8:11

God, i miss you...

i miss the usual conversation we have
i miss the times i spend with you even though i have to run errands
i miss the way you talk coz u always inspire me and
i miss the way you look at me whenever im telling my story


i miss the day when we first talked
i miss the day when you first took my hand to walk
side by side we journeyed through
the life you gave me upon knowing you


i miss you, i really do
and i hope i get to see you again
i hope you wont just show in my dreams and
do hope you wont forget that someone here on earth really misses you
and wishes for you to come back to ease my longing again for your hand

What's with 8/8/08?

...im smiling...
...this is a smiling day for me..
...i dunno why...heehee




~oh, a guy in the elevator a while ago called my attention on my way up to work...he said he was my school mate...i asked him from what batch year he was in, he said 2000....i said mine was 2005...he said he also graduated from the same course - MassCommunication...but i dont really recall his face...maybe because he was on a higher batch than i am...unless 2000 was the year he started in college, then we could have been on the same batch...Ü

we were unable to exchange names though...the elevator opened on my stop..*sigh*

he's cute! Ü wish to bump on him again soon...heehee! ~


oOo
oh, one more thing!
my office/teammate just gave birth today 8/8/08 at 8:08PM or AM? (ooohhh..i forgot if its morning or evening...heehee!the healthy baby girl's name is Brihanna Alexi...nice! ~ she underwent caesarian ...if ur wondering how that happened...Ü)

wow..i missed this

its been so long now that i havent written down my thoughts...maybe i was just escaping the world of journalism..or maybe i just got tired of writing...nah...i dont think so Ü

but anyway, one thing's for sure...i cant let go of the thought that i finally met(oh, i havent met him yet..haha)~ lets just say i finally had the chance to know a guy who doesn't like sex...and he meant it.

well, he actually referred to it as he's not the type of guy who will just do the deed for the sake of it but actually make-love...as the clichê goes "he'll do the deed w/ someone who loves him and not just do it for fun coz it'll be just a waste of time"...now, that's new! he really impressed me.

and being the cosmo girl that i am, i just really ddnt believe him right away...i've heard it, been there-done-that-thing yadda-yadda...Ü

he left a thought for me though. why'd he trust me right away? we just knew each other for only 2days,and we havent met. sounds weird right?

hmmm...nevertheless, i liked him. not just because i was impressed of his honesty (that ws a plus though)..but also because he said he felt a connection..hmmm...that's cool...Ü

at the end of the day, all he left on me was a thought of maybe he's the One...

i know its too early to say...i know....alright...come what may then...Ü

john.8:06